angin is saying..

flooding under the bridge

2009-09-01T14:38:00.004+08:00

Been having a slew of bad tidings lately.

Remainder. Reprimand. Message.

bitter. bitter. bitter.

lemonade please...

parents

2009-08-24T10:17:00.003+08:00

Arwah Sudirman sings, ayah dan ibu, wali-wali keramat, pada mereka kita beri hormat..

You ever wonder whether you've done enough for your parents?

These days when I looked at my parents I can't believe how they've changed.

They looked very fragile. It made me so sad and angry.

Once I saw my dad almost fainted from the fatigue of participating in my grandma funeral's procession. That sight really shook me to the core.

My mom once asked me to help her restore the storage unit in the fridge because it was too heavy for her. When i lifted the unit, anticipating it to be very heavy, I almost flung it away. It was very light as it only contained vegetables.

When my parents meet up with their siblings or friends, they catch up by updating who has left and who are nearing the end. For me it sounded very morbid yet very sobering, watching people around you moving on one by one.

My dad and his older brother are the only two left from a sibling of 6.

My mom lost her youngest sister and eldest brother. That left her with 6 others.

I'm sad watching them struggle with their daily chores. I mean my mom is one of those women who give her life to her family. She cooks, cleans, 'play' house to 6 kids by herself.

My dad works 24/7 doing all sorts of hard labor jobs.

Now, my mom and dad suffers from too much body aches just from doing things that they've taken for granted before. I know they are frustrated that they are not as energetic or as agile as when they were younger.

I'm angry that I can't do much to help them and sometimes gets irritated with them. I beat myself up to no ends whenever that irritability surfaced. It makes me feel so anak tanggang.

Coming from a family that doesn't express our love towards each other openly, it really takes a lot of courage to change how I express my feelings towards them. I hope I manage to express my love for them; though I'm not always the best daughter around, I hope they understand that I do try my best to be one.

One thing I am really glad of doing is to be brave enough to give a peck on both of dad' cheeks and his forehead. The first time I did that I do believe he was taken aback. I did it because I read somewhere, how that person only managed to do so on his parents cold cheeks, the last kiss before the jenazah is taken to its final resting place.

I remembered a comment from somewhere that says, do you think going home to visit your parents once a month, and giving them some pocket money are enough to pay for all they've done for you. Once they are gone, would you think you've done enough, would not there be any regrets in you.

p/s: I am not a fan of Yasmin Ahmad the filmaker, but I am an admirer of Yasmin Ahmad the daughter. I cannot help but be in awe at the way she uphold her parents. I mean that is one anak that any mother would say, sejuk perut ibu mengandung. I am a pale reflection to her dedication to her parents, and listening to her mom talking about her, makes me want to try to be a better daughter to mine. insyaallah.

I have a dream..

2009-08-11T10:01:00.003+08:00

The one consistent dream that I usually have without fail at least a few times a year is the dream where I'm going to sit for my SPM papers, yet I have not done any studying. And the exam is supposed to start tomorrow. Without fail, this dream made its presence to me.

Sometimes in my dream, I kind of know that I have sat for my SPM papers years ago, and I kinda know that it is a dream. But still the scenes always follow the same script, my exam is tomorrow and I have not done any studying.

I have always wondered why the dream persisted.

I have no concrete answer as yet.

I mean I got a decent result; it landed me in an oversea university. It is no way near the 'nice' result of my partner where he scored in the upper echelon, among the top 10 for MRSM students. I think he had a nauseating nice result. My result was good enough for the amount of effort I put in. *hehehe*

I find it funny why the dreams never happen when I was studying for SPM. If it did, then may be I'd been in the upper echelon of SBP. *rotfl* sniff, sniff.

Anyhow, it always has been the same dream, year in year out, for about 5 years now.

Except a few days ago.

This time it was different.

That dream enfolded in the same scenes, the upcoming SPM exam that I have not studied for. The only different is this time the exam is 3 months away, not the next day.

Now it makes me wonder why the time factor is different. I've been trying to figure out what had changed in my life that has subtlety change the time factor in this recurring dream of mine.

Luke, I am not your mama...

2009-07-21T11:45:00.003+08:00

These days when we go out at night, we always managed to catch the request program on the radio; The one where people sent in their requests for songs along with their personalized messages.

It is really beyond my comprehension when unmarried couples address themselves as mama/papa, ayah/ibu. Urgh. Why do people do that? To keep the love? I would like for someone to enlighten me on that.

For the life of me, I find it 'bernanah' when people do that. What are you trying to achieve? .

The worst part is when you hear "walaupun kita tidak dapat bersama lagi, papa akan sentiasa mengingati mama." WTF!!!... I would definitely leave the relationship if my partner starts calling me mama. I.am.not.your.mother! And you are definitely not my father. geli telinga den.

Do you know..

2009-07-17T09:46:00.002+08:00

For most of us saying Bismillahirrahmanirrahim is something that we do unconsciously, a habit that is mostly on auto pilot mode; that sometimes even when we wanted to do something not nice, we unconsciously say Bismillah.

It is just something that we are taught to say before, for most part, we start eating, and for some as a gesture of tawakal before we start on a task.

I came across the following info in one of the websites, but I can't remember which site. I would like to share it verbatim because I find it very enlightening because I personally never think of Bismilllah of more than "In the name if Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful" or "Dengan nama AllahYang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani".

May be the ustazah/ustaz of days past did teach me of Bismillah being more than that but I certaintly did not retain the info.

Anyway, these are what Bismillahirrahmanirrahim stands for:

1. Ia adalah satu ayat lengkap dan sebahagian daripada surah Al-Fatihah.

2. Ia sumber keberkatan dan jaminan bagi setiap perkerjaan, tanda tawakkal dan meminta bantuan Allah.

3. Ia memberi warna ketuhanan bagi setiap pekerjaan, dan menyelamatkan perkerjaan-pekerjaan manusia daripada bahaya syirik dan riak.

4. Ia bererti - Ya Allah, aku tidak melupakan Mu, maka janganlah Engkau melupakan ku.

5. Bila ia diucap ertinya menggabungkan diri kepada kekuatan yang tidak terbatas dan berharap kepada lautan rahmat Ilahi yang tidak bertepi.

Ok, now have to go back to doing my work, Bismillah...

it aint heavy, but its family

2009-07-09T15:09:00.003+08:00

I hate it when I'm caught in the middle, trying to please people on every side except for mine.

family.

urghh...

willing buyer, willing seller

2009-07-06T18:34:00.002+08:00

It is very rare for me to be at work beyond 5.30pm. I'm the type that got that auto switch off in my brain. Oh, its 5pm, click - GONE FOR THE DAY. :-)

Yet today, I'm still here in the office. Too many things to do, and I only managed to finish them just now.

Now, I'm reluctant to go back because that means I have to start all over again tomorrow.

I guess I make that career move after all. Now this seller is waiting for the buyer to make an enticing offer.

cepat la...

nak or not

2009-06-30T09:20:00.003+08:00

- nak terus or tak

I like blogging.

but macam liat sangat nak menaip.

anyway, blogging more like an escapism for me now. Just writing so that my kid(s) would have the chance to know a piece of me.

like now, only after I lost my aunt and nenek that I wish I had known their stories.

i wonder how nenek feels having to be married at 11 years old. Nenek penah cerita once, "lepas atuk kau balik lebih kurang pukul 5, dia cakap kat nenek, pegi la main dengan kawan-kawan".

Itu statement yang paling tak boleh lupa. kelakar ada, horror pun ada.

I want nenek's stories to be known by her progeny.

I want my sons to know that nenek is always very sabar. While aku pulak, tak sehari tak maki my user memang tak sah, walau pun maki dalam hati. Padahal, alim ulama kata, hati la kena di jaga, walaupun bermain didalam hati, Allah masih maha mengetahui.

I want my daughters to know that nenek will always leave it to Allah to deal with people who maliciously harms her family. Tak pernah pun maki orang yang buat cerita about her. Aku pulak always doakan what goes around comes around.

I want my cucu to know that nenek is very meticulous. Everything that she did, mestilah dengan tertib dan cermat. Nenek once scolded me the way I cooked telur dadar is not right, and my dad who was there, seconded her, and said i should learn from nenek. hehe.. telur dadar pun ada tatacara.

I want my cicit to know that nenek took hours berwirid after solat, My aunt said nenek would zikir up to 10000 times. Aku nak zikir 33 kali Subhanallah, 33 kali Alhamdullillah, and 33 kali Allahhuakbar pun macam malas gila.

I was not there masa nenek breath her last. Nenek nazaknye tak teruk, cuma bunyi macam orang tahan sedu, said my aunt. Memang nenek dah bagi bayang that she would leave soon, saying things like, bapak engkau, suami aku dah datang, katanye nak jemput aku.

Nenek had the unfortunate nasib seeing her eldest son and youngest daughter passed away before she did. The daughter preceded her by a month. Masa nak kapankan her daughter, my nenek tak sanggup tengok for the last time, she was bedridden in the room, and just said dia redha. She also lost 2 kids when they were babies. I guess ramai yang tunggu nenek at the other side.

Nenek, semoga Allah have mercy on your soul and place you beside Him.

- nak atau tak nak

hmm, berani kah nak do another career jump again. this is not a question, more of a statement that keeps scrolling through my brain.

but what if it is like jumping into a dragon fire extolling breath. I don't want to be burnt to crisp, but the prospect is really enticing.

what's with my character yg selalu nak membaran, this is a good thing.

well, i'll know for sure by thursday.

Allah, guide me please.

- nak try or not

I need to bake something.

I need to be a superwoman. I need to rival the men at my work place and I need to rival the women in my kitchen. hahaha. Saje...

I have no idea how in the world that suddenly I like to bake.

I like watching people eat what I bake. I have 2 very honest critics, my neighbour's kids. Suka hati bila dengar "aunty, sedap la yang hari tu aunty kasi", or nak tergelak bila "aunty, pahit la". So far, the brownie, cookies, strawberry muffin, custard kek passed the test. The dark chocolate muffin fail sikecik taste bud, though the elder sister said it was yummy.

Next on my baking list. Damn, I sound so makcik. Well, at middle age, baking is a rite of passage eh. That reminded me, one time i went to a friend place, she and mygoodself talked non stop about baking this and that, while our partners were talking about car engine, toys, games and other man(kids) toys.

Nak bake:

caramel custard cake

nutella cake

almond cookies

chicken pie

almond pie/tart

cheese cake

err, cukup tu dulu.

nasi oh nasi

2009-06-18T09:20:00.004+08:00

I love rice.

Beats me how some people can go off rice for a long time.

For me, rice soaked with gulai lemak cili padi and sambal ikan bilis is heaven sent.

Like the other day, I cooked gulai lemak cili padi udang with kacang buncis, ikan masin sepat cili padi, and accompanied by salad, left over rendang ayam with daun puding, and sambal belacan kuinin (a heavenly sambal by my babysitter).

The 3 adults in my house makan bertambah-tambah.

Itu lah masalah besar bila ada lauk yang sedap. You'll eat more.

But of late, the waistline has not been very kind to me. So now, teringin to cut down on carbo.

A hardship tu.

So now bebila I succumbed to eating rice, it really pissed me off if the lauk tak sedap. I seriously think it is an offence if you serve less than delicious food to your customer. People pay to eat what you served, the least you can do it make sure that the food is good, not salty and no bawang for people like me.

a hole in thine heart

2009-06-10T10:13:00.004+08:00

It had been a sobering and upsetting months for me.

I lost my aunt to breast cancer in april. I didn't get to see her while she was on her death bed simply because of miscalculation on my part. When my family in Spore called to say she was dying, my sister, my brother and my parents went to visit her right away.

I didn't join them then because my passport had expired. And once I got my new passport, I delayed my trip again jez because I wanted to go on thursday so that I would have gotten more time with her compared if I had driven down on early in the week.

Terkilan. That was the bitter taste on my tongue when they called me thursday afternoon, jez as I was getting ready to leave for spore, that she had breathed her last.

I had called to talk to her 2 weeks earlier but she can't talk on the phone, her throat was full of ulcer.

My last sms to her, she never read them because her phone had died 4 days before she did. My cousin who was trying to charge my aunty's phone then, got really cold bumps, coz she said it was kind of a premonition of things to come.

My aunt by then had lost massive amount of blood, so massive that the mattress was over-soaked with blood, the floor was wet with it too. She was in the ER and needed 4 pints of blood.

She knew her time had come when she went for her check up early in april, her oncologist had told her she had a minimum of a month and a maximum of a year to live. She didn't take long to swallow the bitter pill, I think by then she redha already. Bitterly funny, she was the one busy consoling her friends and family.

Somehow I misunderstood that when she was diagnosed with breast cancer oct last year, she was in stage one when infact she was already in stage four cancer. That's why I was not really worried because I know stage one is curable. Many things can be done to remit those murderous cell.

Her pesan to me always had been "jaga mak", always that, never anything else.

Anyway, we reached my family's home in spore around subuh. My dad broke down when he saw her jenazah. My dad is one hati kering, hati batu person, and to see him so distraut over her body was overwhelming. I sat by her jenazah, didn't dare to peek under the shroud. Tears flowed freely while sitting by her side, reading her surah yassin and Al-fatihah.

She was a single woman of 50, leaving us the cousins, nieces and nephews to continue her legacy.

She looked like a young girl of 17 years old. Her cheek was flush. I kept expecting her to draw her breath and for her to fling the water out of her face during the mandi jenazah. But she never did.

It really broke my heart to see her lying there quietly, and for me to never ever get a chance to say my goodbyes to her.

My family was not over grieving over my aunt, when my uncle called me, a month to date of my aunt passing, to say that my grandma had just left us.

going on leave

2009-02-28T11:05:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite songs from Metalica says, becareful of what you wish, you might get it.

This time I got my wish all right.

I'm on medical leave for a good six weeks. So, am going to balik kampung. woohoo.

Kampung air always has that rejuvenating impact on me. I like having a forest as a background, no traffic jam to suck dry your humor early in the morning, and best of all uncluttered mind/sight.

school prefect

2009-02-26T10:23:00.001+08:00

My house is located near schools.

Sekolah rendah, sekolah menengah, sekolah agama rakyat, I passed them all every working day.

One time I saw the school prefects standing by the school's gate, ever ready to summon late comers.

That sight brought a chuckle and a visit to yesteryears memory lane.

You the ones who were prefect during your schooling days, do you remember feeling godlike, just because you were a prefect. I remember how the power 'corrupted' my friends; the ones who broke rules because rules are meant to be broken, suddenly become little napolean.

Funny how power changes people.

Suddenly makan dalam kelas, ponteng solat jemaah, lambat ke kelas were considered dosa besar. No more amnesty for staying up after lights off, or your black shoes not shiny enough, or your white shoes not white enough.

I remember meeting a few of them after we left school, but for the life of me I can't figure out why I don't like them. After a short soul-searching, then it hit me. The annoyance that I felt towards those people, I carried through even after I left school. I guess some things do not need to be painfully earth shattering for the memories to run deep for a young person

I wonder if any of my cadet juniors felt that way about me, their Sarjan. Was it Sarjan I or Sarjan II? I can't remember.

Suddenly, this one incident came to mind.

My vice head mistress called me and some friends because of some complaints from the juniors/teachers.

The others got ticked off because they didn't pay attention in class or making remarks the teachers considered rude, etc. They got called in for something that would add points to their 'street' cred, except me.

I got the icing on the cake, she called me because of something nutty, the juniors said they were afraid of me because I got 'muka garang'. Itu jek. I got called in to the office not because I rag some kiddies, torch the school or flight from school. I wonder anak menteri, pegawai kerajaan, orang kaya yang mana lah that was such a wuss. (That particular teacher, single handedly taught my batch that you are noone if you or your family are a nobody)

catching the wind

2009-02-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

I sat by my window last night.

Just sitting quietly, watching the night.

Many thoughts whirling in my head, some stayed for a while to chat and some flitted through,

Midnight sojourn is dangerous. It makes me think too much of what I want, what's lacking in my life, and what I perceived will chase away the hollow in my heart and the tears in my soul. It makes me forget what I do have and should spent time cherishing.

breaking the silence

2009-02-13T10:49:00.006+08:00

The past days saw me taking the monorail to get to work.

I usually would stand by the big glass window, watching the world as the train passed them by.

Interesting sights out there.

This time around it was the schools that captured my interest.

Sekolah rendah, sekolah menengah and college.

I saw some kids running around the field, some kids practising their hockey shots, and some having soccer game.

That was my world some 10 odds years ago.

Note: I love to write.

The problem is I would compose my thoughts in my head, but I somehow almost always lose the passion to transfer my thoughts to paper.

That's why the long silence.

I have to salute those who manage to do so where I have failed. How do you guys find the strength.

cerita LRT lagi

2008-06-04T17:34:00.003+08:00

I feel the need to say something, though I can't actually add new perspective to what is already prevalently discussed by the masses. The fuel price.

I want to comment only on one point. 10% of entertainment allowances. Only 10%. Only entertainment allowance. hmm... is this even worth a mention!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dalam LRT yg sesak dan senak tu, yg pompuan sibuk masuk tangan dalam kocek si lelaki. Pas tuh sibuk amek sapu tangan from the guy's pocket, lap-lap muka and kepala botak lelaki tu.

Pas tuh berterusan bergurau manja and si pompuan berterusan pawing the guy. Ini semua menjadi paparan mata-mata orang-orang yg tensi bercommuting di pagi hari.

(ini bukan gossip kikin and semawi yek - hahaha, penangan dok layan gossip thread kat forum).

Then, looking down, nampak la inai di jari kaki, complimented the ones on the fingers. Oh.. baru kahwin rupanya.

Kenapa ya.. kenapa selalunya the newly minted wife is the one yang beriya-iya trying to be the best ever wife in the universe. NO other woman would come close to her dedication. But, the guy would only be nonchalant about the whole thing. I mean inai pun setakat 2 batang jari instead of the whole arms and feet.

A recently married woman, on a question put out by a woman/wife many years her senior, replied "oh, dah kawin ni, saya kena jaga makan pakai suami saya." Her response was the topic of the evening. Tickling many 'senior level' wives to raucous laughter and jest. Listening to their 'funny' discussion, I can only conclude a new wife exuberance would eventually burnt out because a girl marrying a guy would expect him to change for the better but he won't, a guy marrying a girl would expect her to remain the same, total obedience and body anak dara, but she won't.

But one comment sticked with me till today, "masa baru kawin, kalau bini tersepak batu, batu tu yg dimarah "bodoh punya batu". tapi bila dah tua-tua ni, kalu tersepak batu, nanti laki responded "apa, buta ka. batu pun tak nampak". I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry when I heard this.

reality

2008-06-04T17:07:00.003+08:00

I wake up every morning between 6am to 6.30am. Then the requisite shower and solat.

Then, commuting to work.

At work most of the day. Luckily doing something that I do not despised.

Then rushing home before the depressive traffic jam. Dinner and all the requisite activities followed. In bed by 11pm.

There lying in bed, what would be the most recurrant thought?

For me, it is the mundanity (such word?), repetitive actions, day in, day out. Is this all to life? Am I to repeat this whole thing again tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, till the day I die.

Some of us are not blessed with the luxury to jet off to somewhere just to break the mundanity (that word again. i hope it exists) of our routine. I hope the thing that does not kill me, will only makes me stronger or should i say stay sane.

angin is restless

2008-04-17T11:07:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure who I am exactly. No, this is not a manic depressive or high as a kite kinda entry. It just something that bugged me a bit.

I'm 34 this year. No, the number does not bother me, though the part nearer to the grave does rattled me a bit. I honestly do not understand people who begrudged 'the a year older' concept.

Anyway, what's bugging me is I think the way I am today is exactly the same as I was a decade ago; the way I think, act, and react, are as the way I used to remember of days past. Am I not supposed to be thoroughly soaked and having every pores breath with-the-thing-people-called maturity. Did I somehow forget to grow up? Did maturity passed me by?

My close friends seemed more composed and calm as we grow older.

I'm still very quick to temper and gets kepalaangin when things are not the way I want them to be.

It makes me wonder if I'm gonna be as I am today when I turned 60 (if God's wills it). All wrinkly and kepalaangin. Would that be a blessing or a disaster?

can i handle the truth.

2008-03-13T14:26:00.004+08:00

I was lolling around.

Thinking about nothing and everything.

Fuzzily, the Japanese anime Death Note came to mind. How a person will be dead moments after his name is written in that note book.

If I were to choose 5 people that I would see dead soon, they would be..

1. The person who did Nurin Jazlin – but a small voice said what if the perpetrator does not know that what he did was bad. What if he is sick in the mind? Then I’m not being fair, I can't simulteneously be the judge and jury. Hmm.. So scraped that idea.

2. Then how about the old dud that is leading this country badly. – tried hard but I can’t find any reason not to cancel him out.

3. KJ. I f*** hate this guy. But he has a small boy. Not nice to deprive a small child of his parent, even if that parent is the most undesirable person around.

I got to number 3 only. I can’t do this. Conscience would not let me, even if they are just idle thoughts (my thoughts not the person on my death note) and scumbag (the person on my death note, not my thoughts).

So, I think I’ll change the theme; it should be what 5 secrets that I wish would be revealed to the public.

Thus, my 5 greatest wish for the truth today are:

1. To find the person who was responsible for Nurin Jazlin death. (And for the other countless missing kids found.)

2. For the ugly dealing, source of wealth, dirty tactics in Rembau Parliamentary, wheedling and politicking of KJ to be exposed.

3. The truth regarding Sunnah and Syiah.

4. How does the Malaysian PM’s mind works? Is he in touch with reality or forever entrenched in deep sleep?

5. DAP to not jeopardize the hard work of the rakyat by boycotting the MB sworn-in ceremony. I got this already.

Do you have anything you wish to know (or have someone on your death wish) - care to share. :-)

stock taking junk

2008-01-04T10:35:00.000+08:00

It has been a few moons that I last looked at blogsphere. I do have opinions about things but somehow the act of sitting down and arranging cluttered thoughts proved to be too daunting.

Anyway, I feel like updating today, so here goes.

1. 2008. A new year. I'm curious, fess up ya, do you feel any different today than 4 days ago? It is basically just another day to me. same ol', same ol'. I can't seem to feel anything about a day since forever, I think. heheeh.. Do you have any days or date that you feel special about? I grew up with a family whom does not put much stock in birthdays and anniversaries. I'm glad that I have this background else I can't imagine the work that I have to put in throwing tantrum whenever he forgets those 'special' dates.

2. He said something like, "My biggest mistake was staying in the same hotel, staying in the same room". Err, forgive me for being persumptuous here, I would have thought the biggest mistake would be for cheating on the missus. Weird this coming from a member of the government that promote "family first". Anyway, i found this one funny comment in MT, I think the commenter was commenting on how the cabinet did not push for him to resign initially, "Maybe it's difficult for the BN leadership to punish him because it's like "let those who do not cheat on their wives cast the first stones." hahaha...

3. Toys. Why is it the toys for girls are like preparing them for a life time of housework - miniature tea set, miniature ironing set, miniature baking set, and the likes lah. such sadistic and sexist scenarios. Then, the toys for boys are really like they are from another realm. Man, no wonder our guys have problem living in the real world - x-ray guns, GI Joe army set, robots, space craft and the likes lah. letihh.....

4. I am Legend. I regretted watching that movie. I can't get the image of Robert Neville beseeching the mannequin to talk to him "please say hello to me, please..." over and over again, after the death of Sam. I actually shed tears there. And why la for this one movie, the hero has to die. why? why? the death was so senseless; they could have done better scripting there.

5. It is easy to be good. It is harder to maintain being good. It is easier to be good when one is younger too. I think now I am tad bit too corrupt to even pretend to do/think/act good. Ohh, my solat....

6. He said, "I don't even know what type of movie you like". Beats me why that sound like music to me. hehehe.

7. No matter how feck up I feel, I have this one guy who says things like "Engkau sentiasa indah di mataku" to lull me into saccharine sweetness.

8. To my utter dismay, I still can't whip a to die for fried rice. tragic..

gumption

2007-09-14T11:08:00.000+08:00

I saw a girl wearing lingerie that looked almost like the one that I have.

The only thing that confuses me was that she was wearing it in public, in KLCC precisely, whilst I only paraded in it in the comfort of my bedroom.

That got me thinking, was I overdressed for my bedroom or was she underdressed for KLCC. hehehe..

green in the eye

2007-08-08T13:57:00.000+08:00

How many of us are guilty of wanting to dispose off some of our partner’s ‘crap’.

‘Crap’ that were initially “oh, this is a very nice X, you got good taste” but turned to ugly what-the-heck-is-that once you found out that X was a gift to your partner by his previous girlgirl.

I am guilty of this sometimes, well, may be sometimes too many.

Let's see:

Guess shirt OUT.
Leather wallet OUT.
Oakley sun glasses OUT.
Parfum OUT.

There were a few more things but on hind sight I think they are too trivial to even worth a mention. iskh, iskh...

This topic came to mind when recently I woke up to a new Swiss Army gadget thingy hanging onto my car key chain. The old one, that I inadvertently mentioned the day before, was a birthday gift from a particular someone 10 years ago.

Though it is entirely possible that he was just being nice what with seeing the battered looking gadget that has served me well all these years. This is the small knife that I keep out when passing dodgy-looking area, ready to sink all its one inch long blade into the soft gut. Beware thug.

Nah... I think I like the idea of the green-eyed monster better. hehehe...

Hmm, there are a few more things I need replacing, may be I can get them new ones FOC eh.

but again..

2007-07-11T10:54:00.000+08:00

Honey why you calling me so late?, It's kinda hard to talk right now, Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?, I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room, Sometimes I wish she was you, I guess we never really moved on, It's really good to hear your voice say my name, It sounds so sweet, Coming from the lips of an angel, Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye, But girl you make it hard to be faithful, With the lips of an angel... Lips Of An Angel - Hinder

"I hate this song", uttered vehemently by my friend. "What kind of angel would disturb someone else peace. Wrong definition of an angel there."

I was a bit puzzled at first, not realizing the import of the lyric till I listened closer. She continued to state that it is not fair to the current partner; if you can't be 100% devoted, then you should not be in a relationship.

She made me wonder how many of us are secretly harboring feeling for someone other than our present partner. Furthermore, how close can we be with our former flame as to not institute treachery. How often, how far can you secretly whispered to your former love late at night before you cross that line of infidelity.

I think the best answer is always to think how would you feel if your partner is the one in the shadow secretly weak in the knees thinking of the ex's sweet lips. If you don't mind then this issue would not matter in the relationship eh.

sad values

2007-06-18T11:39:00.000+08:00

Is our education system failing?

Are we failing as a society as well?

Are we not good enough role model for the youngsters - Is it because of too much substitution of material comfort for good solid values for our young?

Why are there so many bad things done by kids in school these days, or it was just as bad before but there were no media coverage to hype things up?

stumbling among wounds

2007-06-12T11:09:00.000+08:00

Feverishly consuming fever. The kind of fever that leeches the soul dry. The kind of fever that teared at the eyes. The kind of fever that makes one sneezes one's life out.

"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy... Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.." said a poet.

Wounded heart makes one scattered one's promises and trust. One wonder if you know how to piece one's heart back together again?

"disebut-sebut pribahasa, habis madu sepah dibuang, usahlah begitu hendaknya, terlanjur....bercinta.......berkekalan......." said a song.

I miss futsal. I miss donning my red Fila sneakers to kick some balls and bust some shins. I can't just start running, my knees would not be able to take it. Fuctard!! It's been 2 years, I'm hungry for them balls.

"eish, buat I lapar!" said a guy upon seeing the model with the provocative pose.

The absence of security, love gone astray, mislaid.

"buah selasih si putik pauh, buat santapan di pagi hari, orang kukasih semakin jauh, rasa tak mungkin bertemu lagi", said an old pantun melayu.

another LRT-ride tale

2007-05-29T12:23:00.000+08:00

I saw her first. Puzzling over her decision to not grab the available seat when the hordes are clamoring for a chance to rest their laurel after a hard day.

I got a seat.

He came to stand in front of me. A moment pause, then she came to stand in front of me too, slightly slamming her body to his body when she came to stand besides him.

At first I wonder at the spatial arrangement, she is standing too close to him. Not a follower of the 'personal space' concept I gathered. I had initially thought they were strangers to each other because though she kept glancing at him, he kept his eyes and himself to himself. Then she said something to him, he didn't response right away. He took his time.

With that, I change my theory. Now it is either:

ONE : she is into him - trying to show him that she is into him while he is clueless/could careless about it.

Or,

TWO : they are husband and wife - the wife tries to bond whilst the husband have other 'important' things on his mind, like how come Liverpool kalah and MU menang kinda crap la. :-)

They continue to play out their script.

In the end, I came to the conclusion that he is a husband. Not just because he mostly keeps to himself, but because there is a slight tummy pouch, barely visible except when he moved in certain way. We all know how most Malay guys are kurus kering during their bachelor days but manage to develop a pouch just a few months into the marriage. (Please don't get me started on the unfairness on why wives are not accorded the same societal 'tak apa' attitudes when it comes to gaining weight).

There, that is the one reason that strongly convinces me that he is a husband. Wouldn't you think so too?

suatu yang mudah dilupakan?

2007-05-29T10:57:00.000+08:00

"...We hope to put her name in the Malaysian Book of Records as the first minister and the first female minister of Malaysia to set foot at the base camp," he said.Azalina and 10 of her delegation members reached the base camp at around noon on Friday in a Russian-made MI-17-IV helicopter and took off about 15 minutes later.She handed over the "Jalur Gemilang," the Malaysian flag, and banners to the team members to be flown on Mount Everest's summit at 8,848 metres above sea level..." quoted from http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v3/news.php?id=262887.

I saw the news footage on TV3 last week.

Few things that came to mind:

what travesty is this?
did she just spend X number of ringgit for this stunt - is it her own money or her ministry (which translated to the rakyat's money)?
'first minister to set foot at base camp', what fecking thing is that. How does that justify this action, what's the ROI (is there any?). I wonder when would there be a 'first minister to realize that changing one's lifestyle and spending more time on the road to find/buy from stores that sell cheaply does not suffice anymore. That some people on the street are really having a hard time making ends meet while ministers are gallavanting to Mt Everest and overseas-holidaying'

After those thoughts, it was a barrage of words that I don't think is suitable to be posted here.

I hope those people in power realized that though they think they are not answerable to the rakyat right now, there will be a time when the weighting scale is not just a picture on the banner.

puzzle mah..

2007-05-17T09:31:00.000+08:00

Why?

Why huh?

Why like that?

Hmmm....

I've been trying to figure it out. So far, nothing sounds plausible.

Is it something that you are borne with?

Is it in the blood?

Is it a curse?

Is it embedded in the genetic code? in the chromosome?

It scares me because embarrassingly sometimes I'm afflicted by the urge too, though most times I treated the symptoms with disdain.

In one of my numerous rides on the LRT, I saw them poring over the catalogue diligently. Sure looked like they were into it, tracing the outline and dreamily caressing the 'photogenic 'shots.

Shivers did run down my spine watching the unfolding scene.

Since then, I've been searching for the answer - why some women suka sangat Tupperware?

positive thinking..

2007-05-09T18:11:00.000+08:00

I read in one of our newspapers that a normal person carries dried up faeces to the crappy amount of 2 to 4kg (an interesting fact if my memory served my correctly). It further stated that chronic constipation sufferer could load up to 10 kg. I guess from now onwards, if someone accuses me with “you are a load of crap”, I should not take offence. After all the person is only telling the truth, right.

smack that

2007-05-07T11:25:00.000+08:00

smack that..

Semalam kena ambushed. bosan betul. kena kat rumah sendiri pulak tuh.

Semalam one of my acquaintances dropped by my place. She brought along another girl with her. A girl who is a stranger to me. When the stranger proceeded to cheerfully greeted me, I was puzzled.

In my head I was thinking, sapa la yang suka-suka ikut orang visiting their friends. Unless, there are delicious foods to be consumed, it escapes me why someone would do just that.

When there was lulled in the conversation after the few minutes of catching up, I saw them looking at each other with a kind of look (a signal may be, now that I think of it). And then the dreaded line, "sebenarnye saya ke sini ada hajat, ada hal nak cerita sikit."

Various alarms in my head went off at that moment. fcuk!!!

And I don't have to tell you the rest of the story la, you definitely know what did follow right.

rip in peace..

2007-05-03T14:14:00.000+08:00

My laptop's hard disk has gone to meet its maker. Consequently I am at a disadvantage. Can't do anything without the laptop, least of all my work. Have to start anew, though looking on the bright side, now I don't have to pening-pening kepala trying to organize the clutter that was my hard disk. Lost a year worth of notes and junks... The procedure to get a replacement is tedious. Meanwhile, my work piles on. The least I can do now is to enjoy the forced calm before the storm eh.

Fear no more, no more fear

2007-04-26T16:09:00.000+08:00

Funny how sometimes the thing you fear the most in your life would not necessarily materialize.

For the longest time, ever since I found out that woman is responsible for bearing new generation into this world, labor pain has been the bane of my existence.

This horrifying pain, perpetuated by horror stories from my own friends who undergo the procedures, has made me avoided the issue of motherhood. I mean child birth is not labelled being at a state of life and death for nothing right. I did wonder how people can go through it again and again. *shaking my head with disbelief*

And my gynea knows this fear of mine. Every time I see her, I would repeat the whole 'child birth is my worst fear in life' routine. Finally I had her convinced that I was not kidding. Thus, she had me did a pelvic x-ray which revealed that most likely that I would never be able to go through normal birthing. Cool, is it not.

My worst fear in life, insyaallah, will never be one of my fears anymore. I did tell my gynea, "cess, buat penat jek being scared all these while.."

a few things..

2007-01-16T13:30:00.000+08:00

1. Most people, even when the LRT is at its most crowded, would still maintain that small personal space that separate them from the next commuter. That small breathing space is precious to me, 99% of the time I would have it. The problem is that 1% of people who thrust their behinds and their chests into other people body. I hate 'em.

2. "Nobody cares about you, at least not those people with the power to do something about your problem". That basically the response of this one blogger's to people who complained about the diminishing power of one's salary. I think she got it dead on.

3. There will be a few times in life, if you are lucky, when life forces you to critically change your thought process.

4. I was in PD last month with a few friends for a few days. PD was packed to the brim. I guess the common people have no choice but to do cuti-cuti Malaysia because the DPM did say to change our lifestyle to adapt to the changing forces of economy. If not for the massive floods, I would have thought everyone in the country are with us, the common people, in this, but apparently I was gravely mistaken. I guess they have to or else MAS would have suffer more losses. I guess someone had to do the dirty job eh..

5. RM11 billion was used to bail out 7 companies. RM 30 million to rent the ferris wheels for a year. RM300 million spent to host The Monsoon Cup in Terengganu. Compared these spending to the amount of wang ehsan to the flood victims - (per family) RM 200 for first time victim, another RM200 for second time victim, another RM500 to help to replace damaged household items, and some other ringgit to compensate for loss of livelihood. The comment "something is better than nothing" really suck isn't it.

6. There are some people who actually took leave from work to scrouge the dumping area of the waste from flooded area. Their motivations made them ignore the stench to recover valuables such as gold chains and cash. enterprising people eh..

I am Malaysia

2007-01-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

I see that ad a lot. Oft times it reminded me of the hardship face by the common people these days. Where are the pride and joy that is supposed to accompany such statement?

kenapa..

2006-12-22T15:30:00.000+08:00

Negara dalam bencana but 'the leader' (i use this term loosely) still persist on his holiday. apa cerita nih?

wander wandering

2006-11-29T16:20:00.000+08:00

1. Why most times, the usage of a thong evokes 'sweet' smiles and 'smiling' eyes from some guys. What's so amazing about that piece of cloth that is wedged between the cheeks?

2. What is this business of saying 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' when you want to ditch someone. Why can't people just say 'I've enough of you and I want to be with someone else'. Why the ruse? Why make the other people hope that they can make that 'in love' happened again if they try hard enough.

3. Why most girls after they tied the knots would declare 'she'll be the best wife/mate to the guy' whilst a whimper of the same 'selfless' declaration is rarely heard from the groom.

4. Why is it the fact that Malaysian doesn't read is considered a surprise finding. Good books are expensive!! And now if they really increase the toll charges by 1st Jan, where am I going to scrimp for books from Payless.

standing on pause

2006-11-06T14:13:00.000+08:00

Salam Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir Batin to all. :-)

1. Raya was good. The things that I looked forward to like performing the Eid prayer in the merry first syawal morning with my love one was very nice, the walk to the the mosque was heart warming and the salam session was enlightening.

2. Surprisingly had an entertaining first syawal that got carried away into the wee hours of second syawal morning that I only managed to climb into my warm bed at almost 5am. The 'culprit' was my friend's parents who are so nice and full of engaging topics. Arrived at her home at 10pm, and somehow ended up talking to the parents till 4am. Sungguh happening.

3. I was at an open house yesterday. The host had a group of people whom I guessed were professional publishing/media individuals over. Can't help but overheard the heated discussion on black ops, media gag, 'dia suka' tidur', and other disturbingly juicy bits. Why is it the sentiment on the street is as per what I've read in the non-sanction view, but not as per sanctioned media blaring headlines. Personally, I am not comfortable with the news of incompetency at such level.

4. Anyway, I don't think I'm able to write the way I used to write. My life is changing, beyond my control, and with it I am changed too. The thoughts are there but I can't summon the spirit to type them down.

where are thou?

2006-10-16T14:00:00.000+08:00

Makan session that overshot into the wee hours of saturday morning (a week before ramadhan) saw me reaching my neighbourhood past 3am.

Before going home I stopped at 7Elevan because I wanted to get some yogurt. When the car cruised to a stop, I saw 4 people chatting merrily infront of the shop. 2 girls (late teens), 1 young man (early 20) and 1 middleage man (may be early 40).

Then the following scenes unfolded, they parted ways, (Scene A) the young man and one girl, and (Scene B) the older man and the other girl.

A. I had initially thought they were brother and sister. The girl proceeded to lock her Kelisa, then pop onto the young man's moped/skuter eagerly whilst holding on to a rose. She was busy taking the scent of the flower in when they whizzed past me. Lost into the night.

B. At first I thought they were father and daughter. But somehow the dodgy body grinding made me a bit wary. Sure enough, later the girl asked for a condom from the 7E cashier, laughing while at it. I think the guy paid for the purchase. Last I saw of them, was more pawing before they were lost into the night too.

Seeing B, made me rethink of scene A. apalah agenda mereka..

B also reminded me of the advert "tahukah anda, sudah jam berapakah sekarang? Tahukah anda, dimana anak anda berada sekarang? Atau anda tidak ambil peduli?". May be now kena kuar something along the line "It's 3am, do you know where your parent is?".

Haru...

in suit and tie

2006-09-14T12:19:00.000+08:00

I know most people would be aware of the old movie titled Orang Minyak. Orang Minyak mission, i.e. practical assignment to complete his 'degree', if I'm not mistaken, was to go about undressing 44 maidens (who must be in deep slumber). This orang minyak **guy, would go in search of the maiden, in the nude with his body lathered with minyak hitam.

**a guy gets to be oily orang minyak, while girl gets to be cool Mystique. yumss..

I guess these days, requirements such as that would be very hard to complete. Isu harga minyak yang mahal to waste unnecessarily, dan the potential problem in removing the oil slick in time to go to work, to avoid the jam, might prove to be too much.

And walaupun unmarried maiden are abundant, methinks that maidenhead would be a scarce commodity, what with young girls, some as young as 13, are doing the lambada. (At 13, I remember that I dig guys, but I sure was not interested in any digging activities, urghh, gross).

With HIV figure continues rising, STD rampant, kang tak pepasal kena AIDS or gonorrhea. Siah palih, tak berbaloi.

Anyway, something been happening in my office that made me think that this age old practice, been moving along with arus kemodenan

What else can explain this weird phenomenon?

The maidens in my office are losing their mugs. The mugs that were left on the workstation were gone the next day. And I've heard a few stories from the girls already, however none of the guys complained of the same thing. One girl even lost the mug she placed in her drawer.

Is the culprit the orang minyak versi 21st century? I don't know for sure, but while we search for the truth, some of the maidens here are left mugless and had to fork out money to buy new mug. The rest are left to ponder who will be next and devising plan to safe guard the sanctity of their virtue, I mean their mugs, from the evil plunderer.

killing you softly - sorry for the inconveniences

2006-09-11T14:45:00.000+08:00

I enjoy Japanese food, though it took quite a few trials and many errors before I got to the 'enjoy' part.

The first time I tried the food, I swore vehemantly that I would never ever step into a Japanese restaurant again. But somehow, after the eekiness became a distant memory, I gave the food another try. This time sticking to fried things. And slowly and gradually I graduated to salmon sushi (I still can't stomach sashimi and eel). Wasabi in wrong dosage was quite an experience eh.

One time, my sister and I, along with my dad and elder brother (angah) were in a mall in JB. I saw a Sushi King, and I just knew that I would like to introduce them to the wonder of Japanese foods, forgotting my own recipe of 'slowly and gradually'.

So, I bought 4 Californian Temaki to go as we were leaving for my aunt place by then. In the car, I excitedly gave each one a temaki.

Angah: "Apo bondo ee ni?"

Me: "Try la, sedap ni".

So the three of them cautiously took their bites and munching the Temaki quietly. My angah was the first to spluttered, "apo bondo ee ni!!. Dah la, lain kali ekau jangan la boli bondo ni laei. Tah apo bondo eee."

Angah looked positively green, trying hard to concentrate on the road, he kept muttering, "entah apo bondo ee.." and "poning kepalo".

My dad was very quiet, and I noticed that he looked a bit green too. My sister was already munching away some asam to wash away the taste. For the first time in my life, I saw my dad eagerly accepting my sister offer of the assam. All of them looked very crossed at me for the rest of the journey.

My sister was so traumatized that she never even tried any Japanese food again. She even gave me her lucky draw winning of free Japanese food buffet at the Marriot.

time out

2006-09-05T11:19:00.000+08:00

It was actually a life expectancy of 3 months not 2 years, brought on by years of smoking and eating cili laced foods.

And he knew about the prognosis, the doctor had informed him. I'm not sure what he felt then. My brother told me he was acting fine, still making jokes and making future plans while at the same time he relentlessly pleaded with the doctor to let him go home.

On that final day, he refused help from his son to assist him in the toilet, and he fall while he was trying to clean himself up. That started the internal bleeding. The only way to stop the bleeding was through another surgery, he refused flatly to undergo the surgery as he was in tremendous pain as it was.

The doctor asked his eldest daughter and son to decide the next course of action for him.

However time ran out, he got what he wished for, he left the hospital to go home and be pain free from the post ops pain.

1. I wonder what would I do if I'm told that I have 3 months to go. Definitely try to comply with amal makruf nahi mungkar to the letter and really hope that the 3 months deeds are enough to cover a lifetime of perbuatan mungkar, but would it? More importantly, why only with a dateline would I want to act, be proactive instead of reactive right..

2. To those who smoke, quit la wei, if not for your family (yang would be sad to be left behind and not to mention kena second hand smoking) do it for yourself. Quality of life is important, no?

time is the essence

2006-08-25T11:25:00.000+08:00

I have a few things swirling in my mind at the moment. One of them is how I find it strange that despite the modern settings of our life, society still needs to punctuate a woman’s existence with a man. I know ‘kita dijadikan berpasang-pasangan’ but is a woman is less of a person when she is without a man.

That thought was pushed aside yesterday.

A week ago, my aunt’s husband has to undergo a routine surgery. He was having a stomach problem, I don’t really know all the details, except that the recuperation would required him to stay in the hospital for about 4 months.

Before his surgery, he morbidly joked to my aunt, “N, kalau aku mati, kau jadi janda kaya la”, which was in bad taste for his family, though poignantly prophetic to him.

During the surgery, the surgeon discovered that the stomach problem was actually a case of cancer that has spread out to the whole stomach. His life expectancy was a minimum of 2 years and maximum of 3 years. They didn’t inform my uncle that news when he came out of the surgery. I’m not sure whether they’ve told him the news eventually.

His life ended yesterday afternoon, exactly a week after his surgery. Right now all my family are congregated at my aunt’s house. His body would have been released by the hospital this morning. They have time to spent with him until the Jumaat prayer. Not a lot of time eh..

Unfortunately I’m not fit to travel across the causeway to bid him goodbye in person.

My thought aside from grieving is a question, if someone dies right now, would people my generation know the protocol of dealing with a body, or would we need to call the Imam and other elders for guidance?

My personal knowledge in this is limited. All I know was only acquired a few months ago, when my cousin’s daughter related to me how my dad helped her family deal with her dad body. Her dad passed away at home, just an hour after the hospital released him. Among the first things my dad did was to help them to place the body in the appropriate place, and align the body, feet first towards the Kaabah, and covered the body with batik shroud.

I now know why they plugged all the orifice of the body with cotton; bodily fluid would start to ooze out when life escaped the physical confinement. A script from Dr. House, “There is no dignity in death”, was apt.

I'm left to ponder - Ingat lima perkara, sebelum lima perkara:

Sihat sebelum sakit
Muda sebelum tua
Kaya sebelum miskin
Lapang sebelum sempit
Hidup sebelum mati.

kepada yang tersayang..

2006-08-21T10:13:00.000+08:00

Tengok dates, baru realized that I was offline for quite a time.

Bukan apa, I was knocked down by life, was hospitalized for a few days and the rest was spent resting at home. staring at the wall.. tak best langsung.

The reason I was hospitalized, hmm.. buat masa ini, I think biarlah rahsia. Bukan apa, saya rasa saya masih belum bersedia untuk berkongsi cerita ini di blosphere. Nanti bila dah settle semua, saya akan beritau ya. Di harap tiada cerita-cerita liar dikeluarkan sebagai spekulasi. ;-) .. hehehe..

Nikmat dunia.

2006-07-26T15:00:00.000+08:00

SEX!

Err...

SEX... Yeah, I knew I read it right the first time. Blinked my eyes to clear my vision anyway, just to be sure.

Yes, it is still SEX.

I stared at SEX. Somehow the word screamed into the serene silence.

Embolden loudly on the insoles of a pair of shoe.

A pair of shoe that was arranged nicely at the entrance. The only pair of shoe at that particular entrance. One of the entrances into the surau.

It just does not jive. SURAU and SEX sitting side by side. I went inside, I saw 2 women. One was a cleaner, vacuuming the floor and one was a lady in hijab folding her prayer clothes. I wondered whom has SEX waiting for her outside the surau.

lessons on the weekend..

2006-07-04T16:22:00.000+08:00

1. Kari kulit lembu yang sedap di Bukit Tinggi, Indonesia - that was among the many topics that my friend ventured to me last saturday, or was it rendang kulit lembu, either way, this is one dish that is not on my wish list. Apparently in Sungai Buluh, the cow hides would go up to RM40/kg, expensive tuh.. I said to come over to Kuala Pilah, kat sana I think takde orang makan kulit lembu, so it'll definitely be cheaper.

2. Taucu ikan bilis - another dish that I didn't even know the existant until last saturday. But I didn't try it since the ikan bilis was not deep fried. I'm particular like that.

3. "Saute ring of bawang, cili potong and ikan bilis, when almost done (semua dah garing) pour in the eggs, sedap tau", claimed my friend's mother. Yea aunty, I've tried it yesterday, though my bawang was puree and sauteed to smithereen, and I've added stringy cut potatoes, sliced cili padi, cili paste and rice. It turned out to be a delicious nasi goreng. **I had thought the ikan bilis would be lembik after adding the eggs, but surprisingly it stayed crispy.

4. I've related the story of a friend, who walked around for 2 weeks with a 1.5cm opening (dilation) 'there' before she finally delivered her baby, to my friend's sisters. I was still 'tertelan air liur' with the story when the sisters all said, "ah itu tak de benda la. itu kecik jek. Nanti dia bukak sampai 9cm, hah itu baru boleh buat cerita". And I wisely kept my quiet after that, cam na nak 'lawan' cerita with all these people yang dah have 6 kids among them. But I still can't stop wondering, boleh jalan-jalan and pegi ofis when that part of you is opened 24/7. Tak de masuk angin ke huh?

brain dead

2006-06-30T16:18:00.000+08:00

1. Heard on the radio this morning, the DJ excitedly announced that Britney posed in the buff, in all of her 6 months of pregnant self for Harper magazine.

erm.. umm... erm.. ummm..

2. My friend lamented about her kids weird turn around; her 6 yr old girl is terrified of Microsoft Word's Office Assistant, you know the annoying paper clip animation, and her 3 yr old boy is terrified of the moose that appeared when you turned on Sega Games. She sighed "nak cakap apa kan, bapak diaorang a nerd", to my comment of "but bebenda tu virtual what.." :-)

3. I don't like England. Permainan yang sungguh membosankan, harap WAGS sahaja yg keep making useless airwaves. shish..

ntah apa-apa

2006-06-26T14:27:00.000+08:00

I asked a husband a while ago, what could a wife do to ensure a happy marriage.

He answered succinctly, less talk (nagging and conversation are lumped together) and more sex.

That reminded me of a long ago conversation with another man (also functioned as a husband), he said that a wife's good attributes like good cook, decent, loyal, trustworthy, (insert other good traits), are just background noises. I think he said those good things are a given (akin to sunk cost), what mattered most is a wife has to look good, taste good and be good, for a satisfying marriage.

That also reminded me of a word of advice from a lady that has been married for many, many, many years, she said the key to keep a man happy is not really from the cooking and housemanship, but from how good is the wife's prowess and creativity in bed.

I guess that saying that sounds something like "sex only counts for 10% of the thingy in a marriage, but would cause 90% of problem if it is not properly taken care of" does have some truths (some only ok).

And apparently there is much truth in that guys-really-only-have-one-thing-in-their-minds excuse/claim… ;-)

beats me on why am I writing about this, may be to say that it would not be a lost cause if a girl does not know how to cook and take care of a house expertly, or mayhap to understand why so many marriages failed, or perhaps to ponder why some guys does not value the intrinsic goodness of their partners.

trippin..

2006-06-22T11:01:00.000+08:00

"Tengok tu, still banyak slut".. silence for all of 5 seconds while the brain whirl desperately, trying to figure out how to do damage control.

The friend looked at me with mirth in his eyes. I was stumped. I had wanted to say mud, but at the same time the word sludge came to mind, so it came out as slut.

Malu seh.

Nak distract him from my faux pas, I told him about Leen's Peking Dick blunder. I think he thought Leen's one is worth a place in the Wall of Fame (Shame).

"I nak blog about this, but I won't mention your name", he assured me before we parted. Dem, I have to find his blog, and really make sure he didn't mention my name, now how to track his blog?

far from good..

2006-06-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

Was I being judgmental? I guess I was.

Anyway, call me old-fashioned or pedantic or whatever, but the sight of two Malay middle-age-slightly-pouchy guys acting all lovey-dovey, doing touchy-feely in public is good enough (or is it bad enough) to turn my stomach around.

This reminded me of a friend who told me that she asked one of our colleagues, the one that people thought swing the other way, "Kau ni Brokeback Mountain ke?".

fear is a factor..

2006-06-13T17:44:00.000+08:00

Work is at one of the peak periods now. Each second is to be utilized, no error can be entertained as that would mean lost time, and delayed timeline.

Of all the mistakes that I could do to blunder the progress, skewing my tight dateline even tighter, I did the most unthinkable. Of all things in the world I could do to lose my timeline, I did yang paling buduh.

Some just watched me did a sprint from my workstation to the ladies when the bitter taste of my error hit me. I feared that I would lose it out in the open as that definitely not a very professional thing to do.

Man, did I suffer. It took me almost an hour to return everything to normal.

But not before I spent minutes leaning over the sink, holding on for dear life, spitting the vile taste of my error out of my system. So much strength needed to keep from gagging outright, I knew if I lost my stomach, I would need to do extra maneuvering to recover my timeline.

"Are you ok? demam ke?" asked a concern colleague.

I managed to croak hoarsely between teary eyes and heaving tummy. "Tak. Aku termakan bawang!!!"

creature, creature..

2006-06-09T13:47:00.000+08:00

On the way down south, we had just pulled out from Kulai R&R around 3am last Saturday morning. 5 people in the car (3 were sleeping).

A few kilometers later, a soaring white thing, squarish looking white thing, caught my eyes. It looked a bit like a flying Aladdin's carpet. It flew from the other side of the road towards the sky. It was a weird thing to see, I know it was not a piece of newspaper nor was it a bird (you know how those things moves). Might have been an extraterrestrial UFO though from the way it shot upwards towards the sky.

I turned to my co-driver and asked "Did you see that?". A nod answered my question.

"What was that?". A shrug and "tatau" answered this question.

So we left it at that.

Later during breakfast I overhead my aunt told my cousin that she saw a 'presence' early that morning, something in white was standing upright on the stairs. I didn't say anything then.

Then in the afternoon, sitting down to chat with my aunt, I told her what I saw in Kulai.

She in turn related to me what had happened early that morning. (My family members have a tendency to see these things, so sesape yg tak percaya bebenda nih, go read other posting lah, this entry would prove to be fruitless for you).

She said the three of them (2 aunts and 1 cousin) were doing some last minute arrangements for the wedding flowers. They were doing the bunga melur at that time when suddenly my aunts caught the flowers sharp fragrance, "bau bunga melur tu naik" that was how she described it to me.

My two aunts saw the white thing standing at the stairs, and they went quiet. Both immediately go into 'fighting mode', baca surah and shooshed the thing away. My cousin who was there, kept chattering away "eh, kenapa tetiba wangi nih?", "Apasal yek?", when she suddenly realized the two aunts just went quiet. She freaked out but not before blurting "Alaa, apa diam-diam nih, jangan la buat orang takut, jangan la pandang-pandang cenggitu". My aunts didn't answer her, so she just pandai-pandai diam aje la.

The weird thing is both incidents happened at precisely 3am, while we were 2 hours (and x km) apart (I reached my cousin's place at 5am). The effect of globalization perhaps, 'semua' kena tunjuk diri at 3 am, no matter where they are. Amazing ripley betul..

melentur buluh..

2006-06-07T15:03:00.000+08:00

I had a R&R break at Machap on the way back to KL last Monday.

I was still trying to work out the kinks in my joints when I passed by this girl (aged around 5) and her mother descending the stairs towards the car park. Inadvertently I overhead what the daughter remarked to her mom when I passed them, the words cleared the cobwebs from my brain immediately.

I didn't know what the mother said to her, but the little girl curtly replied "diam ah!!" vehemently.

I think I actually stood rooted for a second on the stair when I heard the little kid's words. The mother looked hurt and a bit embarrassed (looking at the strangers' shocked faces, people who happened to be there at the same time). I think she mumbled a response with something like "amboi mulut..." towards her daughter.

I don't think I can fully imagine the hurt the mother felt, scathing words that I'm not sure the little kid could fully comprehend (or could she, since these days kids are maturing faster than my generation did), nevertheless they are still words that would cut through like a knife.

I'm not sure what would be the most effective thing to do if ever my kids ever say/treat anyone disrespectfully intentionally or unintentionally. May be pepatah orang tua, "sayang kan anak di tangan-tangan kan.." does has some merits in certain cases.

On a side note, I've seen some impolite behaviors (spitting towards someone, touching people's private parts, cursing) by young kids towards people around them. Those actions were witnessed by the kids' own parents, whom for some strange reasons at least to me la, appeared nonchalant by such display. I think it is one thing to groom your kids to be outspoken and bold, but it is another thing to let them be disrespectfully audacious.

sometimes stories come aknocking on your door..

2006-05-31T16:15:00.000+08:00

I listened to Babyface and Stevie Wonder's How come, how long recently. This song always managed to tug heavily at my soul.

I know almost every girl would be revolted when they read/hear stories of violence against women.

Tumultuous mutinous emotions - rage, murderous intent - would surface, feeling indignant for these women, feeling protective for a total stranger.

But what if it happened closer to home, what if the perpetrator is your father, or your brother?

Can you watch those people that you love, your dad or your big brother, pitted themselves against another person that you love, your mom or your sister-in-law?

How much mental abuse can your mom take from your dad? How much beatings can your sister-in-laws take from your brother? Can you deal with these truths, or would you look away?

I've had a client disclosed to me that her brother-in-law beat up her sister in front of their kids, telling the kids his actions stemmed from the fact "mak kamu buat tak betul."

I've read findings that some highly educated women do continue to live with their abusive husbands because despite the abuses, they still love their husbands. Mind boggling right or this is one of them cases "you have to be in their shoes to understand".

How long before the love turned to hatred or fear? What would you do?

What if these lyrics -

She was oh so beautiful, But she's not here anymore, She had a college degree, Smart as anyone could be, She had so much to live for, But she fell in love, With the wrong kinda man, He abused her love and treated her so bad, There was not enough education in her world, That could save the life of this little girl..

She tried to give a cry for help, She even blamed things on herself, But no one came to her aid, Nothing was wrong as far as we could tell, Thats what we'd like to tell ourselves, But no, it wasnt that way, So she fell in love, With the wrong kinda man, And she paid with her life, For loving that man..

-- talk about you, that the bastard is your husband? how come, how long..

with or without you..

2006-05-29T17:03:00.000+08:00

What would you do if I die on you?
Would you get married to someone else if I die first?
Would you miss me when I'm not around anymore?
Would you think of me a year after my death?

Various ways of asking these questions, but the bottom line is the girl just wanted to know how much she meant to her man. (By the way, have a guy ever asked a girl this kind of questions?)

The guys will attempt many ways as well to answer this delicate question, but most times they will respond with something along the line "Ngarut jek tanya macam nih".

Anyhow, I think I'm beginning to agree with the guys' answer. I meant after we die (at least for the Muslim la) nothing should concerns us anymore except doa daripada anak yang soleh, ilmu yang dimanfaatkan dan our sedekah. And of course would we even have time to think about the guy we left behind when we have to face Mungkar and Nangkir?

Even if our guys had professed undying love, how could we profitted from it. It is not that we can come back from the dead to bask in that love. I guess it is better to ask the guys, "you tau baca Al-Quran/Al-fatihah tak; can you at least have it in your heart to doakan the prosperity of my soul after I'm gone?"

With this thought, I have to stop wondering what would happen to certain people when I die. I just hope no one would think "good riddance".

2006-05-25T16:59:00.000+08:00

Venue: In between the LRT stations in Masjid Jamek.

When I first ply this area 6 months ago there were only 2 street vendors. Both sell my most favorite item in this whole world (aside from futsal, masak lemak cili padi, sambal ikan bilis, hazel eyed man and tantalizing kisses ;-) ) - the delicious keropok lekor . But I rarely buy their's because their chilli sauces are not as good as the ones in my housing area (I'm a very picky, I mean discerning eater). I just love keropok lekor to bits that its absence can really make my life gloomy, that a few years back I decided no more job that requires oversea projects or traveling for more than a week. (Yea, I need help, I know that.. )

Anyway, I'm digressing, but I so love keropok lekor ya.

Starting from those 2 vendors, the area attracted many other enterprising people.

After the keropok lekor came the goreng pisang/keledek, apam balik, karipap and mobile steamboat.

Seeing that those foods pretty much covered the general Malaysian's favorite snacks, come the merchandise vendors next.

The umbrella's made a debut when the raining season started.

Then the socks, 3 (or was it 2) pairs for RM10, you can choose from all those branded manufacturers.

Then the minyak urut made from buah mengkudu that can fix your twisted ankle right up, better (and cheaper) than going to the orthopedics and physiotherapy.

Then Malaysian's makcik-makcik favourite nightgown made an appearance, the famous baju kelawar retailing at RM10 per piece. Varied colors of your choices are made available daily.

Most of these wares barely made me break my strides, well except for the keropok lekor la.

Yesterday was different. Yesterday, a new item made its grand entrance, making the area more crowded.

Yesterday my strident strides faltered a bit, my eyes went wide taking in the whole scene, and my brain skipped a second breaking my thought.

Immediately my brain calculated the wonder of this marketing idea - it is something that I would expect to catch on soon, it would make the commuters beat each other up to grab at it. Raking the advantages, imagine the ease of shopping for one while journeying to your home, no extra effort or detour needed to the shops, no more stalking for parking space in the busy shopping mall, no more time wasted queuing to pay for the item.

"Mari, mari. 4 helai sepuluh ringgit", shrilled the vendor.

Interesting, yet I don't think any ladies I know would fall for this marketing idea. I wonder who will stop and grab a packet housing 4 helai seluar dalam wanita yang hanya berharga sepuluh ringgit. Would you?

terang lagi bersuluh..

2006-05-23T11:23:00.000+08:00

Kenapa orang kat office selalu tanya soalan yang the obvious answer is staring blatantly in their face?

"Tengah makan ke? Makan apa?" - When they passed you by having a meal in the pantry. Lepas tu suka pulak tanya masa orang punya mulut tengah penuh. Nak jawap, kang tak polite lak, having to buka mulut while the food is still in the mouth, kang berterabur la pulak the food. Kalu tak jawab, lagi susah, nanti di label dengan perkataan-perkataan yang membosankan.

Sometimes, nak jek di jawab "tengah makan lobster nih. Nak sikit ke?", when they can see it is just a plain sandwich. But kang diaorang report lak to HR, "so and so dah lost her mind, better take action before she starts to harm other people", detriment to one's bonus and increment prospects.

Other nonsensible questions yang definitely considered asinine on my list:

Buat air apa tu? - when they see you took out the tea bag.
Baru sampai ke? - when they see you alighting from the LRT in the morning.
Banyak kerja tak? - when they can see the piles of papers strewn all over your desk, and the 'DO NOT DISTURB' expression you have.
Nak balik dah? - when they see you shutting down the laptop and packing your bagpack late in the evening.

**I wonder

if the DBKL officers would tanya "Tengah buat apa tuh?" masa tangkap orang berdua-duaan tengah having a go at it at the taman and if they do would they be expecting any coherant answers.
if the doctor tanya "Sakit tak? kat orang yang tengah in labor pain.
if the police expect answer such as "saje jek nak test kuasa turbo saya" when they stop a speeding car.

ramble rambles

2006-05-17T15:47:00.000+08:00

I notched another number on my age meter last month. No biggie there :-)

Bless with good genes and small frame that make me appeared younger than I actually am meant being older is not an issue with me. People still mistaken me for being on the good side of 20's. **Hehehe.. yes, masuk bakul angkat sendiri.

Anyway, nothing different this year except that a few of my body parts seemed to be in dire need of a good overhaul. May be kena tukar to eibach springs and suspension in the next maintenance check at the gynea or ortho visit. Pas tuh tukar carbon fiber kat mana-mana yang patut, baru ringan sikit nak terkinja-kinja kat court.

I had to endure 2 weeks of jarring pain at my shoulder joins due to something called a subluxation of the shoulder. Explained by the ortho surgeon, it was basically a partial dislocation; the arm didn't pull completely out of the socket. Imagine having that pain every few minutes especially on the first week before I had the chance to visit my ortho. It jarred my mind to tears.

Now, it is my left knee. I can't play futsal until the pain dissipated for fear of hearing that infamous 'krak' sound, ominiously signalling some degree of injury to the ACL muscle. heck, now how am I going to satisfy the blood lust..

Weird eh that I'm suddenly bogged down with unexplained injuries.

But nothing weirder than the following;

Person One: Read only the last paragraph here.

Person Two (P2): This person whom I have never talk/notice before suddenly remarked to me, “You like the color blue and black ya. I always see you in those colors.” I’m like “huh?!” as a response.

Person Three (P3): P3 saw me, and came over with a purpose-filled face. I was bracing for bad news when what came out of P3's mouth was something else.

P3: “How come these days your pants is filled up better. What did you do?” while looking pointedly at my behind.
Me: “Err, ntah. Futsal kot.”
P3: “Betul tak de buat benda lain.” *while still eyeing my butt.
Me: “Yea, I think so.”

Person Four (P4): As we were walking outside the office together.

P4: Just now I checked your profile.
Me: Huh? *terus terdiam, coz I thought it was my blogger's profile.
P4: Tengok kat intranet. *explained P4 looking at my confuse face.
Me: Oooo. Office profile. *why?

I find that above conversations weird as girls made them. Why are these girls making notes of what I’m wearing/doing?

4 ‘weird’ remarks in a month after I turned 32.

And the other day, I’m not sure if it really happened or it was just my imagination, but it seemed that the girl who was standing behind me in the crowded LRT feel up my butt. Wtheck laa..

Does all these mean as I get older I started to appeal to girls too?.. Oh tidak.

I don’t think I can ever get it on with another girl, even if it means saving my life. YURKH!! I can’t think of any possible scenario that would make me wanna hook up with a fellow gender (can you?).

To quote the eloquent 3 years old kid, my friend’s daughter, “NO WAY!!”.

But may be it is not such a bad idea after you read this article. A guy can be such priceless commodity sometimes.

Aside from the non-compliance of 'through sickness and death', the RM300 for 6 kids which worked out to RM50/kid, which further translated to RM2/day/kid was really interesting. The heck you can do with RM2?

shiznit..

2006-05-10T10:24:00.000+08:00

"We need to talk." - Ahh, the line that could send shivers down one's spine any day be it from the boss or the friends. And it is definitely one ominous line when the other party in your exclusive-relationship utters it.

It is always very hard to say to someone-you-no-longer-crave that it is over, and what more to hear it from someone-that-you-absolutely-crave that he does not feel the hot for you anymore.

Bet you still remember some of those classic lines used to handle such situation.

My first painful one was about 10 years ago. One afternoon he came over to me and said "You know I loved (I didn't notice the past tense at first) you right, but you know that girl in Japan I've told you about, we gonna get married." And he has the best timing too, right before my finals. superb..

Anyway, I've heard on the radio some time ago, that some of the classic break-up lines are:

It’s not you, it’s me. -- nih, surely the most malas reasoning ever.
You were thinner. -- ouch eh.. hehehe..
I love you but I’m not in love with you. -- yea yea, just be honest that you've found a fresh meat to juice on lah.
I didn’t know relationship take so much of work. -- probably trying to say that he only cares for himself.

The funny ones I saw on the net:

Don't get me wrong, I really love your boobs, but I thought they were real...now that I know they're fake I can't be with someone that shallow.
I am breaking up with you now before you get too attached to me...so I am doing you a sort of favor, aren't I?
I don't find your farting funny anymore.
I function better as a single person.
I have A.D.D. and just can't stay interested in things for very long.

I saw the following for my future reference:

What They Said: "I've been doing a lot of thinking..."
What They Meant: "I'm not attracted to you anymore."
What They Said: "I want to remain friends"
What They Meant: "I'm just saying that to ease my guilt for throwing you to the curb especially after you have always been there for me. And you will die before I will dial your phone number.."
What They Said: "I don't think it is the right time for us. "
What They Meant: "I want to screw another girl but you are in the way."
What They Said: "Can I come back?"
What They Meant: "I want a blow job."
What They Said: "I am sorry but I don't love you anymore. You are a fantastic person. It is just we are very different. (2 minutes before he leaves)... Perhaps in the future, perhaps in the future we can try again."
What They Meant: "You are not good enough for me, you are nice but I am bored with you. However, just in case I get screwed by my next lover or cannot find anybody else, I would like to keep my options open."
What They Said: "I do love you, holding you and I love our times together. I know I have been treating you very badly. You deserve to be treated better, and I should treat you deserve better, but I don't know why I cannot bring myself to treat you better."
What They Meant: "I am keeping you around to feed my sexual urges. My CP is getting worst and I want out of this relationship, but I am a cowardly "nice guy image" and I figure if I treat you like shit...then eventually, you will leave and no guilt on my part."

been there, done that?...

cerita lrt lagi

2006-05-08T09:15:00.000+08:00

Some days ago while I was in the LRT I saw the following scene unfolded.

The coach was crowded. To make the situation worse, the driver was a bit erratic; his braking and stopping skills made me think that he might have bought his train-driving license, ala-ala lesen terbang. ;-)

Anyway, one sudden stop made this one lady standing beside me lurched violently. She almost fall if not for the fact that the guy that was sitting in front of her managed to gallantly grab her in time, cradling her around the waist, thus saving her from giving the floor a hard kiss. (I found it weird that she didn't even give the guy a look in response.)

Later, not a minute has passed by when he offered her his seat. She took the seat, all these while she never took her eyes off her book.

I could not figure out what was she so engrossed about (I peeked but the book was full of Chinese characters) that she didn't even muttered any thank yous to the guy for both kind gestures.

Bah, I cannot understand women sometimes. The guy did her 2 favors in the space of 2 minutes, and she could not even thank him. **I wondered what she was reading, I need that.

the chicken or the egg first?

2006-05-04T12:52:00.000+08:00

Many questions popped in my mind when I read red blooded woman's comment for my previous posting yesterday.

I'm curious, which one is you?

1. A) You are already lusty without any provocations.

B) You see that particular person and in turn that amorous intention came to life (in other words, you need 'provocations' to be lusty).

2. Does age have any impacts on this (whether you are A) or B) )?

alasan

2006-05-02T10:00:00.000+08:00

I fucking hate it when people excused their bad moods (which led them to being rude and mengamuk tak tentu pasal) on their pms, mood swing, pregnancy.

your body is a wonderland

2006-04-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

didn't realize how prophetic this title was a week ago..

Deep in the forest, for a mere RM51 (and an additional 70 cents if I had wanted a cert with my name on it which I forgo) I got more than what I had paid for; enough manna to fill my soul and my tummy, I had rediscovered the forgotten joy of salivating, opps, communing with nature.

The luscious greens, **young guys with lithe bodies, the sexy chirping of birds and insects, **young guys with lithe bodies, fresh seductive clean air, **young guys with lithe bodies, clear kissable blue sky, **young guys with lithe bodies, cold alluring stream. Priceless.

**Note: I’ve forgotten what semi naked guys in their early twenties look like; for some not an ounce of fat, washboard abdomens, 6 pecs a plenty. For a little while it was nice to exist with only the thought that I do need to draw that next breath if I wanted to continue to live. Guys my age tend to be more rounded person, pun intended. ;-) ye betul, brain pun penting juga.

Initially, I was a bit hesitant to join my friend when she invited me to this sojourn. I laid off the facts in my head and started to calculate the pros and cons when her invitation came in.

Flying Fox - hmm, interesting. ( + 1)
Light workout - A 12 points obstacle course and since I had to miss my futsal, I might as well try them. (+1)
Club X (bukan nama kelab sebenar) - I don’t really digs these kind of people ;-) Too mild in my opinion. (-1)
It was only an hour journey to the site. (+1)
I have to miss a wedding. (-1)
Spent quality time with one of my best friends. (+1)
High chance of this being a boring outing. (-1)
Might actually wreck my knee and shoulder further. (-1)
Pacat. (-1)

More cons than pros, and most importantly I had thought it would be a monotonous outing. But I still decided to go because I felt the angst from missing my futsal. We reached the place in one piece. The rustic chalet was adequate. The merry color and sound of tranquility were everywhere.

bosan, but in a good way kinda bosan, but still bosan la..

Luckily, things started to stir up a bit after the filling and surprisingly delicious lunch.

Later, it was hot and dry when we started the climb to get to the obstacle course. My knee gave me intermittent pain, which managed quite effectively to kill my mood. And greyly I thought that was it. bosan.. bad kinda bosan..

How presumptuous was I because shortly afterward while boringly observing the guys going through this particular hurdle, one of them flashed me and my friend his well sculptured 6 pecs. The sight of it was like a brilliant ray of light that blinded us to stupidom. (Boy, this is one time that I was glad to be wrong, I was way off the tangent big time on that boring/monotonous part.) For a few seconds, we stopped breathing, the world ceased to exist except for that particular God’s creation. That was the turning point. And to think that it only took one question for us to be bestowed with such wonder "N, you kena rope burn tak?", such simple thing in life.

Then the grey world suddenly filled with colors. And I saw around me beautiful and funny people. It just took those 5 seconds of display to turn the whole trip around.

And later late in the afternoon, sitting by the pool side, watching these young men stripping off their shirts, sexcitedly entertaining me and my friend (the other girls already went back to their dorm, well it was their loss) to impromptu Japanese anime power play, swimming competition and synchronized swimming. I was grinning ear to ear and laughing merrily by this time ;-).

Those sights winded down to that beautiful sunset amidst the wondrous melody of "your body is a wonderland" by the forest occupants, life for a moment was wickedly perfect.

they've said i'm not trustworthy??!!

2006-04-19T12:45:00.001+08:00

Did you guys read this piece of news? The cheek of those 2074 respondents!

How can they rate our integrity, gauging you (your good selves) and me (good also) lower than the government servant and TV newsreaders?

How can us that were grouped under the category of ordinary men and women in the street are rated only 11 points higher than the politicians? Haven't these respondents watch the news or even read newspaper of luxurious bungalows built for state exco while there are good people living berbumbungkan langit, berlantaikan bumi or some kampung that are still subsisting on air perigi and lampu minyak gas?

One thing that perplexed me is the fact that apparently you and me scored 2 points higher than our government ministers. I thought those people have sworn by their God to always be bersih, cekap dan amanah to the people that they are supposed to serve (we after all pay for their salaries right). The respondents can't think these ministers would blatantly turned their backs on their oath to God? They can't think the ministers (politicians too) are only interested in scoring new Mercedes while the rest of the population has to keep Proton in the black? How can some of these respondents think like that when they were part of the masses that elected those people to the seat of power?

I'm appalled to be judged that you and me are more prone to tell the truth than ministers, business leaders and politicians only. I demand a recount (or is it a re-survey) because I know that there are many of us that are definitely more trustworthy than TV newsreaders (at the very least la)!!! **how in the world that someone that has been tasked to READ the news be judged as more trustworthier than us?

piss

2006-04-17T10:22:00.000+08:00

to be cruel in order to be kind

somehow it does not sound as sagely or as clever (as you had perceived it) when you are the one at the receiving ends...

stripped down to the bone

2006-04-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

I took Monday off because I wanted to file my income tax (kononnye lah..). But before I could do that I had to do something interestingly fun (or so I thought).

I went to see him. We talked and he asked me to take some necessary photo shots.

This guy has a way of making me quietly acquiesce to his request.

So it was that I went to another room, took off my tops, posed, snap, snap, pictures were ready. The session was quick and done without that much fuss. Once the result was out, I went back to his room to show him. He studied the prints and found them to be inadequate.

Hence he told me that I needed to do another session, a more probing session. It went without saying that I was a bit apprehensive by then. "Didn't I look good enough the first time?", kept playing in my head.

The second session was a bit of a revelation to me, having never done this kind of mug shot before. After stripping down to the last piece of clothing, I donned one of the robes stacked in the room. It took a bit of strength to cross that small distance from the changing room to the designated area as I felt very expose with only a bathrobe to protect me from the air-conditioned regulated environment (and not to mention other people passing by).

As I was walking, a guy who was there glanced at me, and he surprised me when he gave me a thorough second look. I guessed me in the knee-length bathrobe and 2 inch heels, with my hair loose around the shoulder (don't forget the spectacles too) must be a fetching sight to him (hehehe, masuk bakul, angkat sendiri eh). That guy's reaction kinda boost my confidence for the upcoming 30 minutes session. So it was I lay down on the platform and quietly posed as the technician told me.

Once the film was developed I rushed back to see him. Thank god, the second set of photos was good enough for him. And that made me happy because I was tired and hungry by then.

But that happiness over his acceptance of my pictures was not why I wanted to share this story.

I found that stripping and posing are not as easy it sound. It was hard work and very tedious, "put your arm this way", "don't move", "hold that position" - one way conversation did not leave much for comfort. I ended up dizzy from hunger. I had my lunch afterwards and immediately zonked out when I reached home.

But that trade revelation was not why I wanted to share this story too.

Now, I have in my collection a bunch of naked, stripped to the bones close up.

A line of a song, seemed apt here: Hey, Stay with me, As I'm getting naked, Stripped down to the bone -- marion raven..

I wonder if I can put up these XRAY-ed and MRI-ed photos up in the net, would anyone bid for them. It would be a waste for them to just sit in my house gathering dust, and not to think of an economic return for my effort.

Hmm, a while back some people did bid for someone's hymen and someone's soul right. Should I try my luck?.. *pondering, pondering..

Now that's why I wanted to share this story.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step..

2006-04-06T14:07:00.000+08:00

I saw my friend salivated over a Nissan Fairlady parked by the road side when we were on our way to the mall last week.

Later walking through the mall I saw many Fairlady priced affordably. I excitedly pointed out the items to her, but she disdaintly responded "tak moh lah".

"But I thought you like Fairlady. You know right, to achieve something big, you'll have to start from the smallest step. Nanti baru la matching". She looked at me incredulously.

She huffed at me. "Tak de kerja aku nak pakai Fairlady bra and panties lah".

Needless to say, she ignored my brilliant advice. *sigh, people don't understand my logics sometimes.

i saw you drifting away

2006-04-05T11:23:00.000+08:00

Warning: Nonsense ahead. Detour is strongly advised.

Fresh out of my normal reading materials, I had turn to my contingency book which is William Blake's Songs Of Experience, in the LRT this morning. One poem titled The Clod & The Pebble caught my attention.

verses that went:

Love seeketh not itself to please
Nor for itself hath any care
But for another gives its ease
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair

then

Love seeketh only Self to please
To bind another to its delight
Joys in another's loss of ease
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite

All I can think of after I read that was how helpless you can be sometimes when things are shot into pieces that looking from afar is the only recourse available. Detaching oneself from living, yearning for peace, you can't win either way.

about nothing

2006-04-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning feeling out of sorts. But, nothing freaky about it because it was a Monday morning.

Walking around the house, getting things in order before I leave for work, I could feel my thighs hurting and tightening. But, nothing freaky about it because I know I pushed myself too much, too much running during futsal on the weekend.

Migraine hit me hard a step out of the house. But, nothing freaky about it because it was the result of knowing that I would be in for lotsa brain numbing work today.

Then, instead of going to lunch, I went to the surau to take a nap because my brain was that close to implode from the migraine. But, nothing freaky about it because I know there is nothing in the market that can help me out of it except for time (I have quite a high tolerance for pain killer).

Later I woke up, feeling slightly manageble. I turned to look around, and I saw this girl watching me. A bit too intense for my comfort. But, nothing freaking about it (I think la) because may be she found the sleeping me cute.

In the pantry, a girl told me that she would need me to show her what’s underneath my clothes for her to judge whether I really have firm and toned body parts now when I replied (to her comment about my appearance), that my weighting machine still shows me the same weight as the last few months. She gave me one of those looks and all I can say to her was “No, it’s ok..”. But, nothing freaking about it,… Eh! No! I think this one may be a bit freaky. I think it is freaky because my England was totally slipshod, "no, it's ok", what the heck is that?. That was so not a proper sentence.

lelong dot com

2006-03-31T09:51:00.000+08:00

I read in The Sun yesterday that a young girl with a-body-to-die-for auctioned off her virginity on the net. The highest bid was SGD500.

Few things came to mind.

One – I concluded murah nye harga satu hymen. I had thought the bidding would at least reached a 4 digits value. Man, a handphone pun lagi mahal daripada ini. This girl is 20, at the peak of youth, can only somehow sold it for such a lowly price, I wonder how much is the price of the hymen when a girl hit 30, or 40 or even 50 (if it didn't disintegrate on its own by then la).

Two – The girl is smart and not a risk taker. Rather than saving herself on the misguided theory that your first time should be with the one you love because he will never leave you and will love you always, she save herself a possible big heartache from finding out that her sacrifice might be for naught as the guy that she thought she loves with all her heart might turned out to be a giant asshole (with a tiny one to boot somemore). At least this way she'll know that she’ll get something economics in return, money and sexperience and a good story to tell her grandkids, rather than being white-eyed receiving “wham bam, thank you maam, now I have to tell you that I am actually in love with another girl.”

Three – She'll be ensure of privacy and, being comfortable and classy because she'll get a chance to make sure her first time would not be in the back seat of a car or in the toilet of some pubs, and she won't be caught wearing a grandma style undies.

Four – What if the highest bidder was another girl, would she be obligated by the law of commerce to deliver the goods. Ouch…

blues over easy..

2006-03-29T10:45:00.000+08:00

I find it painfully amusing that girls almost always berjiwang more than the guys. Point in case, there is this one new song by Awie titled Iris (Ai – Ris). The last few lines of the said song went as follow..

Kau masih ku cintai, sungguh
Dari hari pertama kau ku nikahi
Aku pasti, yakin dan pasti
Engkau milik ku..

Most of the married ladies went schmaltzy dewy-eyed over the song, but it is thrillingly amissing to note that most of their husbands did not share the nostalgic aka touching emotion. (This I know, because I asked a few of em married ones).

One such lady played the song over and over again over her PC, she even excitedly send me the song though email and the whole lyrics through YM, to which I commented “apasal give to me? Tak de faedah. Hehehe.. anta la to your hubby.”, to which she responded, “eh, betul jugak kan.”

Later I asked her what was her husband respond, she replied “Dia kata, ooo, lagu nih, bukan lagu lama ke. Rasa biasa jek.” And her husband went on to say that he didn’t like the song because it sounded ordinary.

Funny eh, bleedingly funny betul..

in the eyes of the beholder

2006-03-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

It is always an interesting eye opener to know how much you are really worth to someone else.

You can infer all you want from their everyday (previous) words/actions, but nothing beats the eye opening truth in seeing how you are treated when you are in need, for that is the best time to know whether you are weight in gold or crap.

malam jumaat again..

2006-03-24T09:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, at the supermarket, I bought a packet of Mamee instant curry noodles. I don't know what possessed me to pick up the packet and proceeded to take out my hard earned money to pay for it. I think I may have noticed my fingers shook slightly when I carried away my purchase.

Now it is sitting on the kitchen counter looking out of place. And I can't for the life of me figure out why I did it. tak kan kono rasuk kot..

Please don't judge me, I know I need help. ;-)

Additional note:

google/look/watch tv for what is mamee perisa kari is all about, then you would understand.

family dispute

2006-03-17T10:53:00.000+08:00

My youngest brother hollered from outside the house, “KakTeh, slipar oren ni slipar kau kan. Den macam nampak sobolah slipar kau kek dopan umah cikgu. Nampak gayo macam slipar kau la tapi den tak do la bronti nengok.”.

That statement got the whole house intrigued, speculations spread like wildfire.

“Apa hal lak slipar den sampai situ?” mused my sister perplexingly.

Strangers probably think what’s there to be intrigued about, nothing perplexing about it right.

Yes, nothing perplexing about it, except for the fact that cikgu’s house is a good 400 meters away from our house. And we are not the kind of neighbour that visited each other often.

Various theories were voiced to figure out the mystery.

My sister went with my brother on his bike to fetch the errant slipper, and true enough it was her missing slipper.

Most accused one of the 3 stray cats that adopted my parents’ house as their homes. But my dad discounted that on the fact that there is just no basis for it, plus it doesn’t make sense for the cat to lug a slipper that far.

After much deliberation, I came out with the most brilliant and plausible theory (though my family just ignored my brainchild, which I don’t understand why they had to do so).

“Ni mesti bigfoot yang buat!". I exclaimed to my family, proud of my ingenuity.

"Yelah, diaorang carik bigfoot kek hutan Johor tapi diaorang tak jumpe dia kan. Mesti bigfoot dah pindah Negri Sembilan sebab hutan dia ponuh ngan orang sekarang, semua menyomak cari kek mano dio tinggal.”

Surprisingly no one paid any attention to me. (And they wonder why I sometimes complained that my family doesn’t listen to me enough)

In the end, they concurred on a lame explanation, that slipper must have gotten caught on one of my brother’s bike stand. Yes that might be so, but how do you explain for it to end up (falling off the tucked in stand) in the midst on his journey instead of ending up at the place where he parked his bike next (when he had to use the stand). They can't explain that. (I still believe my theory is the most plausible, after all I didn't get 5A for Penilaian Darjah 5 tahun 1985 just based on my looks and personality).

time to go

2006-03-15T10:56:00.000+08:00

That was it. The end. Nothing mattered anymore.

Nothing mattered anymore when you lie still under that batik shroud, your body aligned in the direction of the Kiblat.

I saw the deceased's children with red rim eyes, looking with disbelieving eyes but for the body lying still in the living room.

I resolutely avoided gazing at the still body, concentrating on reading the verse, people kept coming to gently slipped open the shroud, paying their last respect. The palpable grief colored the air.

I inadvertently caught sight of the closed eyes, the white hair, and the cloth that was tied around the deceased's face when I looked up upon hearing the daughter’s grief overtook her when she was taking her fill of her dad last moment with the living - the sight was striking, illustrating the end of a life.

That riveting cloth with the ends tied at the top of the head caught my breath. It made me aware that my time will come too, that I would be the one lying still under that batik shroud with a piece of cloth around my face, and I fervently pray that I would be prepared for that moment.

say it wasn't me..

2006-03-13T09:53:00.000+08:00

Many days ago while channel surfing I chanced upon Lilian Too’s show.

She must make sense to a lot of people judging from the applause and turnout to her appearance.

I watched for about 10 minutes which revealed to me that I’m placing everything wrongly and nothing in the house seemed able to counter the bad energy resulted from all the haphazard furnishing.

-No wonder my money leaked easily through my fingers, it is all because of bad feng shui, not because I don’t really keep track of my finances. Wait till I informed my dad of this, hmm, see if he can out-reason me when it is all the fault of those unfavorable energy.

-No wonder my relationship with some people seemed a bit strained, it is all because of the bad feng shui, not because of bad vibes and stress between two people. Wait till I tell one of my best friends, the reason I am reluctant to hang out with her these days is because I have negative energy brewing, not because she hurted my feeling.

Feng shui, it can make you and it can break you, or so it seemed. ;-)

nice person finishes last

2006-03-09T09:04:00.000+08:00

Today in the LRT while whiling away my life, I was hit with an epiphany.

I think I want to be a bitch. Wait, strike that, I want to be a vain bitch. No, not the lewd kind, but more of the spiteful one.

That way if people are nasty to me, I can take it because I am a nasty person myself. (You know la, you should treat people the way you want to be treated right.)

Hence, in my new glorious self, I won’t take it personal if people upset me because I know I had it coming and I’ll definitely be conceited enough to think that no one is good enough for marvelous moi to ever ruffle my feathers.

Now, where can I get the guidebook for this new me. I wonder if they have any installations on ‘Bitch for Dummies’.

Appreciate some tips.

word less

2006-03-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you are stumped by an internal crisis that try as you may you cannot find the words to illustrate the problem plaguing you. It seemed that your words are stuck somewhere inside you that suddenly you are as fluent as Taz, you can only bluergh, blargh, and sigh.

judging a book..

2006-03-06T15:16:00.000+08:00

Orang kata jangan menilai dari segi perlakuan dan kata-kata, but how in the world would you do your penilaian if not from the espoused deeds?

If not from the smses, calls, emails, wishes (hari merdeka, hari raya, hari tahun baru, etc), etc, how can you do your deduction?

From experiences, I think birthday is the most telling of all clues, if the other person digs you, barring death, there should be a little note wishing you continuous happy returns, bla, bla...However, if there is none, may be that person is just not into you (quoting from somewhere).

eh betul kah ini precept? hmm....

when bigger isn't better..

2006-03-02T09:22:00.000+08:00

J.Lo and Beyonce make them famous but does anyone really ever fancy voluptuous butts?

I foresee no advantage of possessing such attribute other than you can give a guy a definite whiplash when you shake ‘em ala-ala Beyonce.

Other than that, zilch.

nada.

zip.

nil.

wringing wristlet

2006-03-01T11:09:00.000+08:00

13cm or in old school measurement it is around 5 inches thick.

Respectable or weird huh?

Hmm, regardless of weight lost or gained, or number notched on the age meter, the measurement never vary.

In one's life, one has known less than 5 people who have the equivalent or smaller measurement, well not counting babies and kanak-kanak riang la.

In the public eyes, this is a misrepresentation of the sum of the total body.

People think one is smaller than the actual fact. It is a chore to face people's amazement upon correcting their oversight. The only consolation is at least if one needs a custom made bracelet, the price would not cost an arm and a leg. The exacted price may only demand an arm, the leg will be spared, well, may be an arm and half a leg lah if one wanted an outrageous design.

Anyway, one think one's wrists are too dainty.

continuing old stories..

2006-02-27T09:14:00.000+08:00

1. Commuter proclivity - One elderly man has to hurry inside the train when the door opened just so he could be assured of a seat.

How sad it is to see this, to know that the disadvantage has no faith in his fellow commuters to give up their seating to the more deserving. I think when I decided to use my womb I better be fit and mount steel plate onto my shin bone.

2. The lady in green - She is still there. I think she just lost one of her sandals because today she is walking with only one foot covered. May be it’ll be a blessing, may be now the management there would probably see her condition better. Would the management be moved to react as more people now noticed her presence?

One thing that I marvel at is the fact that she without fail would throw in her finished nasi lemak packet into the DBKL trash can. How many of Malaysian public whom I would assumed have better faculty than her would diligently do that. **I dislike litter bugs!!

3. Futsal crushed - I’m seeing futsal with different eyes these days. 2 weeks ago, a girlfriend had to be sent to A&E, apparently one of the boys ‘tersepak’ her knee cap that it moved a bit. Last I saw her she still not walking smoothly.

And last week, another trip to A&E, this time another girl teared her ACL. At least she is luckier than my other girlfriend who until now is still undergoing physiotherapy after the surgery to repair her ACL. And let us not count the number of twisted ankles and scraped knees. Futsal is getting to be quite risky in my book. May be I'll see that steel mounting sooner than planned eh -- nauzubillah.

being a public

2006-02-23T10:06:00.000+08:00

I’m one of those people who cannot take the sight of bumper to bumper traffic anymore. I was very close to tears at one point of time when I saw the sea of cars that I knew I had to do something before I go nuts. The only way out to keep my marbles was to take up the public transport. For me it is namely the LRT.

On average the services provided are relatively acceptable.

My grouses are mainly with the people plying these services.

One - I think Malaysian’s education system has to be revised as I think the literacy rate must be lower than the official record. Or may be the bulks of these passengers can read but they cannot comprehend Malay and English. I’m sure such is the case because despite the many signs saying that they should keep to the left of the escalator to let the moving passengers walk up/down the steps, these people keep blocking the way.

There was once, this guy read aloud the sign to the girl standing besides him, and the girl blithely kept her place. I really felt like smacking her head.

I hate standing behinds these impolite people arse!!.

Two - I’m sure Syabas (Selangor’s alternative to JBA) has been poor in its maintenance of providing clean water to its constituent.

These affected people must be really desperate to save the scarce resource that they have no choice but to forgo the morning’s brushing and showering. These activities considered by some as necessity must have been treated as luxury by these deprived people. I can feel their plights because I can smell their misery. Sigh..

Three - I'm not sure who designed the seating in STAR. May be they were trying to save cost that the only choice available is to install one smooth metal bench as seat. Or may be they don't want to discriminate the size of people's butt.

Whatever it was, I'm always seeing inertia at work when the train pulls up to a station. May be the designer thought all those sliding would improve people's dispostion after battling the day's work. May be it's a form of recreational therapy provided free by Rapid KL. **I have not make up my mind on this yet.

It is important to note that small size people are not advise to sit at the end, as when the train stops, all seated would slide to one side. make sure you know the concept of inertia to determine which end is the danger zone.

Furthermore, the smooth surface of the bench means that when one is sitting down and compressed into one’s very small space, one cannot avoid having body contact with the next person. These thigh to thigh touching are not nice because some people have very warm bodies. It’s like sitting close to the fireplace, very uncomfortable.

Lastly, I’ve been lucking that I’ve never been groped or hassled by other passengers (touch wood), though some of my colleagues have complained of such, I hope it is because I looked like I don't tolerate nonsense but the truth might be because I’m not that touchable looking, hmm.. point to ponder..

Itu je lah for now.

feeling wretched

2006-02-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

Today is the second week running since I first noticed her. She escaped my attention on the first day but I was intrigued by the 2nd day.

I was on my way to work in the morning last week’s Monday when I saw her sitting right behind the DBKL trashcan. She was staring into nothing. She is like an isolated island in the midst of the chaos that is a working day. I saw her again at the same spot later when I was going home.

That what initially grap my attention because as far as I know, no one would sit inches from a trashcan if they can help it. But I brushed my opinion off, thinking nothing of it until I saw her again at the same spot the next day, wearing the same outfit.

I wondered then may be she worked for a company that required a uniform dress code, and in the morning she was just waiting for the company’s van to fetch her and in the evening she was just waiting for someone else to send her home.

And then I saw her again for the third day running, same spot, same dressing. On that third day, I looked closely at her, she was clutching a packet of nasi lemak and there was a bottle of water beside her. By this time, she made me wonder about her mental health when I saw her muttering to herself.

Her blouse looked decidedly grimier than the previous 2 days.

I am sure that Monday was the first time I saw her there. How did she end up there? Did someone drop her there that morning, and that person never did come back for her?

On the fourth day I didn’t see her at her spot, I was relieved thinking that the guard must have noticed her continuous presence and called the relevant authority. But fate was not on her side still because a few meters ahead I saw her quietly standing in front of the nasi lemak stall. I guessed those packets of nasi lemak were given to her by that nasi lemak’s vendor.

I saw her again this morning. I am mortified that I didn’t think of doing something for her earlier.

How immaterial she is to my world that I had managed, time and again, to forget about her despite pondering about her fate, every time I boarded the LRT (going to work) and/or getting into my car (coming back from work), only to be reminded of her again when I see her at her post.

Thus, embarrassed to my bone of the evidence that I could be such a callous individual, I’m resolved, if I see her again this evening, I’m going to inform the officers there of her presence. Worse come to worst, I’ll probably call the police station to inform them of her.

*Praying that I won’t forget her the moment she is out of my sight again today.

shortchange

2006-02-16T15:22:00.000+08:00

Whom do you give the best of yourself every day?

Who gets the finest of your patience, your amusing side, your tolerance, your sweet disposition and your gaily laughter?

The chance stranger you meet on the street?
The colleagues you deal with everyday?
The friends you have online/real time?
The nonentity (your family/spouse/life partner) that lives with you?

(More Questions)

In a day, whom you chatted passionately to about things that happened in your boardroom, in your office, in the pantry, in the loos?

How often do you call your friends, and compared that to how often you call your parents, grandma, aunties, partners of 10 years, etc?

When you are in bed, who is the one in your mind that keep your blood warm, your lust aflame, that beautiful person you are acquainted with or that partner of 25 years lying besides you?

Do you and the other person have any other lines other than - are you going to work today? are you gonna be home late today? what's for dinner? what's on tv tonight? how's the kids? have you feed the pet?

I remember an episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' where Raymond and Debra discovered that they are more pleasant and affable with the strangers and their friends compared to each other. Sad eh...

So the conundrum, do the ones that deserve the best of you are given the best of you?

rumah terbakar panggil bomba..

2006-02-14T09:42:00.000+08:00

Lately I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. It is not because I’m not fetching anymore, I mean I still look good especially after the shower with water droplets dripping off.. (hahaha.. masuk bakul, masuk bakul..) but I’m digressing and that’s another story. Instead the reason is because whenever I take a look at myself, I could see the grim set of my expression that totally annoyed me (which resulted in more temper/fire).

Some say that it might be caused by PMS ;-) as apparently as a girl gets older, PMS would strike harder and longer than when she is in her adolescent. Believe me, I would like to blame PMS but I sensed its root is something deeper.

yay to life..

a chipsmore episode..

2006-02-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

You ever in a midst of people, existing and chatting away, and a thought popped into your mind and then suddenly you were tersely hit by feeling that you can't shake away, bewildering emotions

of being lost,
of being hapless,
of being abandoned,
of being alone,

thoroughly dismal feeling, pulsating myriad colors of despair, perplexing permeates your soul even though you know exactly where in this God’s world you are.

You know exactly what

makes you smile,
makes you high on life,
makes you hungry,
makes you restless,

but somehow at that moment, nothing seemed to work. Then,

soft hazel eyes came to mind and you smile in spite of feeling lost,
soothing voice came to mind and you got high on life in spite of feeling hapless,
tantalizing pair of lips came to mind and you got hungry for kisses in spite of feeling abandoned,

inevitable....

he came to mind and that made you restless because life gets lonely when you are alone.

*utterly crap*.. yay to life!!

those days you were the young 'uns..

2006-02-08T10:32:00.000+08:00

I've been going home late for the past few days. As always going back at that hour would mean sharing the LRT coach with many school kids. Their antics are reminiscence of my own school going experiences.

I saw these bunch of boys pulled a prank on one of them. The way they boomed their boisterous laughs, even though the prank was not that funny, were the same as the yester years boys, and I bet it will be the same of the future boys too.

On the other side a group of girls, chatting and giggling as they recounted their day. Animatedly gesticulating gestures, bertepuk-bertampar, whilst at the same time trying to exude panache were a trip down memory lane for me.

Yesterday I saw a group of girls and boys interacting, the script, the acting, the main characters, the supporting actors/actresses are the same ensemble of the ingredients cooking the same courting dance that the different genders have done all this while.

1. The boys trying to look rugged and suave. Cracking jokes, trying to upstage one another to be the coolest one around.

2. The girls trying to look chic but also portraying the image that they can be one of the boys. Participating in the semi-rough pushing/pulling game.

3. The one friend that is a prefect itching to join in the tumble but is restrained by the blue shirt he had on.

4. The smallest one being picked on by the rest.

5. Very noisy, very young, very slim, and very energetic.

The cycle of life continues, the patterns are eerily similar where regardless of which era you are born into, the recipes - all the sugars and spices - are recycled. I think nature intended that the world is never short of the cliché of boys will always boys and girls will always be girls.

Reminded me of my school-going antics. If you were from any of the SBPs in the late 80's, you would know that basketball due to PPM is one of the easiest ways for you to be in the in-crowd. I was one of my school players. I was in without actually trying to be in, it did make me feel cool and hip. The recurring epitome theme in the life of a young person.

I remembered my teammates and I would try to land our free-shoots, acing our 3-points and pulling the behind-the-back dribbling. It was one thing to pull a good play in the girls' league, but it was another thing playing in front of the boys. Ahh, the hardwork, stamina and ego needed to perform good play, whilst trying to make them look easy was always very exhilarating.

The stunts that we've pulled to get the boys. errr.. I better not divulge too much. hehehe...

I've heard of a saying, the youth is wasted on the young. I think I am now old enough to actually see why such saying came into existence.

yay to life!!..

in the bunker..

2006-02-06T13:09:00.000+08:00

dodging bullets and mortar..

yay to life.

piss off

2006-01-31T12:02:00.000+08:00

Some time ago someone asked me a question of a personal nature.

I answered the question with the understanding that 'comes whatever may' the information would stay solely with the person whom I was talking to.

And now, I find out from here and there, the said person has broken my confidence. Gosh! I'm so bloody annoyed.

If you have beef with me, come and take it up with me la. You have my number, call me. The heck you went and disbursed to people a thing that I have specifically told you to keep to yourself.

You know, just make sure the next person you decided to give up their trust do not have a way of finding out, else 40 kali orang menyumpah engkau, surely you gonna get the hex.

Please go fry yourself will you.

prevention is better than cure or is it?

2006-01-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

Period pain is one of the hazards of being a girl, other than the propensity to nag (as blogged by the son of Lobo ;-)).

Some are unlucky to escape the curse entirely, but some are blessed to experience a fraction of labor pain month after month that when the time comes, one would not be taken by surprise by the sheer pain that have put many on the threshold of the other world.

The attacks ranges from the mildly annoying tummy cramp to the harshly painful gut wrenching cramps that can literally make one passed out cold.

Yang intriguing nye, ramai orang kata the only cure is to beranak. Diaorang kata lepas beranak hilanglah period pain yang tak best itu.

But takkan lah one has to beranak just so that one doesn’t have to endure monthly period pain anymore.

Cam na ni?..

The cure is quite possibly worse than the pain, to quote Dr. House "you gonna have a parasite inside of you", and worst case scenario they will leech on you till you die.

So the question now 'to be free of pain or not to be free of pain?'

One is at a crossroad, to be or not to be, where is mr. shakespeare when you need him..

pandang dan lihat..

2006-01-24T13:15:00.000+08:00

how many times in life that you thought you knew the reality but in actuality you are so far away from the truth? how many times have your perception came back and slap you in the face..

from the kid's mouth..

2006-01-20T15:29:00.000+08:00

According to a friend, the following are the top 3 worldly concern for her 6 years old daughter.

Masalah dunia pertama.

When will I have to move out from our house? How can I ever find another place to stay?

My friend just moved quite a distance away from her parents' place. The daughter knows that when her time comes, she too will need to move out to live on her own.

Masalah dunia kedua.

How would I ever learn how to drive? How would I ever remember how to get to rumah nenek?

My friend still visits her mom everyday so her daughter knows that she will need to visit my friend everyday too when she moves out.

Masalah dunia ketiga.

How would I know how to choose the right one? Who is going to choose for me?

The questions were actually queries to my friend regarding how would she knows who is the right guy that is going to be her husband. I joked to my friend to tell her daughter, "How would I know, look at whom I choose to be your father..".. hehehe.. i'm kidding ok..

Anyway, she apparently likes this one particular boy at her kindergarten, but she confided in her mom, she can never find the courage to ask him for his name. The mom told her to just ask the boy outright, but she said then the whole school would know about it. Sigh... same problem plagues all of us regardless of age eh..

--Sekian, itulah berita dari dunia seorang anak kecil berumur 6 tahun.--

enter sandman

2006-01-19T10:39:00.000+08:00

You know how when you were a kid whenever you are down with fever your parents would always pampered you. You never lacked for company and comfort because your family would be there for you.

Your mom would come and check the temperature of your forehead every hour.
Your mom would put cold hand towel on your forehead to help bring down the temperature.
Your mom would ask you what you fancy her to cook for that day.

and you have..

Your dad calling your mom to ask how you were doing.
Your dad buying you your favorite take-away food.
Your dad getting you your favorite toy.

Now as an adult, you have your own abode far from your parents. You prided yourself on your independent spirit, but soon you'll know that it is never lonelier as when you are feverish and alone in the house.

You have to check your own temperature to monitor yourself.
You have to cook for yourself when you are hungry. Because all those delivery service just not suitable for your delicate taste bud.
You have to walk to the kitchen yourself if you want that glass of water.
You have to console yourself that when you die you be alone, so being sick alone should be manageable too.
No one call to inquire about your health because you didn’t tell anyone that you are sick, except for your HR, because you don’t want people to call you a crybaby.

And then at night, alone on your bed, (you are embarrassed) that you want your mommy and daddy, and you cry yourself to sleep from the pain in your body, and the hollowness of caring that you feel lonely.

You found yourself praying to God for your soul to keep and huddle under the comforter to calm your raging fever.

You hummed your lullaby..

Hush little baby don't say a word,

And never mind that noise you heard,

Its just the beasts under your bed,

In your closet, in your head...

yeah, it’ s all in the head.

come mr. sandman, make it so that it is just in.my.head...

hazarding a life

2006-01-17T11:16:00.000+08:00

Someone grabbed hold of my shoulder while I was walking to my car yesterday.

For a split second I had thought I was being mugged. In that second everything went clear, The Al-Mighty came to mind and I was ready to do whatever necessary to escape unscathed.

As it turned out, it was an over-reaction on my side because when I turned to look at the perpetrator it was actually a lady.

We were on the pedestrian walk, though the effect of yesterday’s down pour had turned the walkway to resemble the embankment by the beach. The water was knee high between the 2 shoulders of the road. There were waves of water hitting the banks again and again.

She offered me a sanctuary of her umbrella as some of those fecking obtuse motorists driving selfishly were causing waves of the trapped water to douse the pedestrians.

I thanked her for her offer. My pants legs were soaked though my feet were still dry because I had on my boots. Her sandal-clad feet fared worse. Both of us were close to become participants in a wet t-shirt contest when a bus bulldozed through the dirty water. She laughed when I told her I think I'm getting my wish for a beach holiday.

Anyway, what was upsetting to me was my initial reaction, the instinctive ‘crouching’ for an attack when she grabbed my shoulder earlier.

Automatic combat mode of trying to defend one self.

Such reaction is peculiar when I was a kid. When I was a kid, my parents let my siblings and I roamed free. We would go/do wherever we wanted provided we would be home by dusk.

To entertain ourselves we sometimes walked to the town’s public library that was a good hour leisurely walk for a distance of 4km from our home. We would chat away while nibbling on the buah cenderai that grew abounded by the roadside. We walked through kebun getah, along side the cemetery and other kampung nestled between our house and the town.

Sometimes the people who knew our parents would stop and gave us a lift. Sometimes we took up the offer, sometimes we didn't because walking was funner. But there was never any doubts or fear of our safety on the road or during the rides.

Such blissful times those days were, our fears were only that one of the cemetery’s occupants would hail us for our blood or the dogs at the Chinese kampung would chomp on our calf. The dogs sometimes chased after us where we would run for our life while reciting the surah that always managed to turn the dogs away. I’m not sure which scenario is more fearful.

We never knew or come into contact with words like rape, kidnapping, outrage of modesty, snatching, mugging and murder.

Time changes..

These days too many publicized untoward incidents make one afraid of the world. It is like a double edge sword, the news make people more careful but also turn people into suspicious being, wary of unfamiliar surrounding/actions.

Yea it is way better to be safe than sorry but it also makes for a guardedly leery living. The price of living gets higher each day huh...

frosty kiss goodnight

2006-01-13T11:35:00.000+08:00

I had a cold companion for comfort the other night when I went to sleep. Lying on the bed quietly thinking about the pain. Comforter, pillows and clothing were strewn to the side.

Painfully sore. Consciously aware that pain and cold come hand in hand.

Neither sweet words nor warm hug can make the aching disappear, relieved the throbbing. There was only icy smack, cold as ice, chilling to the bones in attendance to soothe the pain that gripped me.

In the end, I fall into a trouble sleep. I hate being hurt.

I woke up the next morning almost fully mended. The cold treatment worked.

Thank you Mr. Ice Pack for your steadfast frosty therapy of my ankle and kneecap, for without you I would surely limp today. I’ll see you again tomorrow night after the tournament ok.

Till then, enjoy your stay in the frozen section and know that I adore you.

a cinderella story..

2006-01-11T15:50:00.000+08:00

The clock showed that it was midnight.

Miss Diva - too far
Miss Babe - even further away
Miss Leomond - passed out
Mr. Crinkle - MIA
Mr. Fire Dragon - firing away

I was alone in my car, the engine left idling, on the highway emergency lane. Forlornly contemplating my universe.

I had nothing to my name...

The car's blinker continued to flicker yet I hope no one would stop to inquire what was I doing there. My brain tried to churn out possible solutions to my frustration.

No way out.

I was stranded in the middle of two toll checkpoints.

A minute before, just as I passed the tollbooth I was suddenly hit with a thought that I had left my wallet at home. On further inspection, I found that I had indeed left my identity at home. I was in the middle of the state without any cash or plastic money, and worse, no identification.

I wondered had I turned back into a mouse or a pumpkin when the hands struck midnight.

chemistry

2006-01-09T12:45:00.000+08:00

half the battle of social interaction is won when someone finds you attractive..

People always say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I could not agree more with this sentiment.

For people other than the top 5% percentile, the inarguably most beautiful of the world population, it is sometimes hard to know how cute/beautiful/lovely/smart/beguiling/smoldering hot you are to someone's eyes.

If you find someone that you are attracted to, there is a chance he won't find you attractive. And if he finds you attractive, there is a chance that you are not attracted to him.

To have that one moment in time, when every life's particle is on collision and colliding just at the right angle and force, when you find the other person unbelievably hot, and he in turn happens to find you are hot too (or even hotter) is priceless.

How often do we mere mortal have a chance to strike gold such as this?

come with a warning

2006-01-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

Most times I know how to be civil and polite with the public, I will try my level best to not mix the water and the fire. However there are times that I let my emotions get in the way consciously or unconsciously. The way I feel about the world, about the person at that particular moment will cloud the way my interaction goes.

Like last year when I was very angry at everything within the sky and the earth, whenever I talked to someone, invariably my comments and my feedbacks bordered on the asinine kinda remarks.

These days I'm not so angry anymore, but sometimes when I had the lack of sense to talk to someone when I'm not in a good mood, I would not be someone nice to talk to. To some of my friends that have been at the receiving ends, I would like to apologize profusely. Yeah, I can and always be an idiot.

Thank you for the trust and faith, till next time, I promise I will make you laugh till your sides ache.

-maaf zahir batin-

kisskiss

sense and insensibility

2006-01-04T23:28:00.000+08:00

1. When asked what I want for myself recently, all I can think of is for someone to accompany me for a trip into Aquaria and enjoy a nice hot meal afterwards.

2. The other day I told someone that when he made it in life or whenever it is possible I would like to have a bite of his homemade chicken pie or blueberry cheesecake, which ever is easier for him and ultimate delectable to me. ;-)

I even have the guts to ask for a kiss but somehow I find it hard to ask for a trinket from any guys; I can't even ask for a book or a cd, let alone a piece of jewelry.

In contrast, I have a girlfriend who 'collected' various rings and necklaces every valentine's day from various suitors. The funny thing is these various suitors knew she was two-timing/ three-timing/four-timing them. But they still presented her with glittery ornaments and she has no qualms taking the gifts.

Apparently it is a policy of "orang nak beli, just take it la. It is not often a guy will get you something. So when you can, grab it."

The fact is I can't just grab it. I would feel weird, unless if it is given to me out of their own accords, without me actually involved in any of the decision-making. But to have a guy to actually ask me for any trinkets I fancy, I'll be hard pressed to give the guy an answer.

This trait of mine has never poses any problems for me until recently.

I'm not sure from where this urge originated from, as I still do not adorn any jewelry - I had an urge to buy a bracelet/bangle and a dainty ring for myself. I've been looking for the perfect pieces since last year but I have not been able to find anything that catches my fancy yet.

It irked me to have to satisfy this sudden craving for jewelry as I'm so lazy to check out the stores properly and fitting for my size are such insensible chores to undertake. I cannot for the life of me asked anyone to get me those pieces.

How I wish I'm a gold digger, then I won't have to scour the stores myself, and rid myself of this irky feeling.. sometimes being sensible is so not cool..

She take my money when I'm in need, Yea she's a trifflin friend indeed, Oh she's a gold digga way over town, That dig's on me.. --Kanye West --

counting the little soldier

2006-01-03T14:00:00.000+08:00

People around me always have interesting things to say. **Do they know that if I find the conversation amusing enough, I will blog about it? hmm..

A while ago, a colleague looked beleaguered so early in the morning. He made a few calls and continued to look kind of harried. I was wondering what was the fuss about.

Later on he told another colleague that he was due for a blood test that morning. The rest of the team looked surprised and quickly inquired why did he need to undergo the test. Is he sick? Is he going for a blood transfusion? etc. etc.

Then the guy replied dengan bangga (?) and cheekily - "Aku nak check why my sperm is not performing."

Before he said anything more he looked at me surreptitiously (which I don't know why la). Then he continued "Dulu buang kat tanah pun boleh tumbuh pokok. quality grade A. sekarang, tak tau la. My wife wants more kids. I’m still young, mana boleh all these failed me?"

The other guys were laughing hard by then. Apparently his wife asked him to go do all the necessary testing to check that all his system is ok.

"How can this be when the other day I read a 75 year old man fathered a child?. I'm only 30 plus man". He continued to grumble to the amusement of his teammates.

I tried very hard not to smile or do anything to indicate that I could hear him perfectly well, which was not very hard since he was standing just a hand away from me. The only thing I can say is he must be very secure/comfortable of his manhood to air his predicament publicly.

I'm wondering how many guys would willingly go for for a sperm count..

perception, acceptance, tolerance

2005-12-30T10:17:00.000+08:00

One the way home yesterday, there was a guy and a girl queuing up for the LRT behind me. Nothing unusual about it, except for the fact that the girl’s might-be-a-dress-or-a-shirt top has loops for a belt to be worn through, that she ended up wearing a belt thru the loops on her might-be-a-dress-or-a-shirt, not her jeans. The belt ended up circling her butt instead of her waist. I really don’t know what is she wearing, but who am I to say anything about her fashion sense when I still can’t for the life of me differentiate mauve and fuchsia.

Ok I fibbed when I said there was nothing unusual about them. It was actually quite a painful 5 minutes for me having to endure their presence; what I find excruciating about them was the way their over-loud conversations went.

First it was the getik-getik one – this one I can somehow forced myself to tolerate, biasa lah orang berchenta, semuanya elok.. urgh..

Then came the baby talk – this one started to literally pricked my ears and my semangat toleransi sesama stressed out commuters was severely tested, but I persevered,

And last but not least, the icing on the cake, was the Japanese ‘talk’ which sounded suspiciously like those anime’s ones. I’ve watched enough Japanese animes to recognized the same standard speeches among them. I guessed the guy was just throwing the Japanese at the girl to make him appeared cute, because the girl just smile imbecilely at him. I was grateful for small mercy when she didn’t return any Japanese back at him. And the fact that it was a one-sided Japanese conversation kind of strengthen my wrenching gut feelings that he was just trying to be delightful.

I don’t know what happened next as I went into auto-deaf mode, and make sure I was a distance away from them in the carriage.

I have no problem with people showing affection and such, but please do exercise some restrained on what you consider appropriate (cute) to be displayed to the public.

On that note, I think I better check on what I think is my beguilingly cute smile which can be coupled with certain poses that I had always thought are sure killer-moves, are not considered as annoyance to the public. Ok, need to go then to write the test script and plan my user acceptance test. I will need to find a willing person to go through the testing with me. Hmm.. sapa ya..